THURSDAY 19
Gov. Rick Scott signs an election reform bill making it harder to vote. "Election reform" — in Scottspeak, that means "Fix the rules to help more Republicans win."
FRIDAY 20
Ex-pro wrestler and Tampa resident Randy "Macho Man" Savage dies in a car crash. The nation snaps into a Slim Jim in his honor.
SATURDAY 21
Jesus decides to stay in, leaving the world largely untouched (save Iceland and Missouri). Never fear, kooky Christians, your boy Harold Camping quickly rescheduled the Rapture for October 21. Send money!
MONDAY 23
The Lightning drop Game 5 to the Bruins 3-1 and head back to Tampa, skating on thin ice for Wednesday night's do-or-die Game 6. Gulp.
WEDNESDAY 25
The final edition of The Oprah Winfrey Show airs, leaving shattered fans wondering, "Who's gonna buy me a car now?"
This article appears in May 26 – Jun 1, 2011.