I'm a straight man married to a bisexual lady, which is something I would recommend to all other straight men in the world. We're in our late 20s, have been together for eight years, married four. (I know: too young and too soon, but we'll see how it turns out.)
My wife has a much higher sex drive than I do, and she's also into kink, as a domme. My fantasies are vanilla, but I'm GGG.
The problem, as I see it, is that she doesn't initiate. She's tied me up and spanked me a handful of times, and it was fine.
Could I have done something wrong? How do you get spanked wrong? When I've asked her, she says that it takes a lot of energy to top, which makes sense, but we've done plenty of other high-energy activities. Communication is excellent between us. How do we get past this?
Beaten Up Not Nearly Enough
The issue, BUNNE, can be summed up in three little words: "it was fine." For you, it was fine. Not great, not something you love and can't live without. It was fine.
Some people into BDSM are content just to be indulged by their vanilla partners. But others are only interested in doing BDSM with other folks who are into BDSM. That's because there's a huge difference between tying up and spanking someone who's into it — really into it — and tying up and spanking someone who is doing it for you, for love, and for GGG chits. If your wife has experienced the rush of dominating a simpatico submissive, then being indulged by her loving husband, who is more than willing to endure the odd spanking to maintain his GGG bona fides, simply isn't going to cut it.
I'm a 50-year-old gay guy and I've always found anal to be painful. After trying it about six times over the past 30-plus years (only once to "completion"), I gave up. Recently I met a great guy who would like to try it, and though I love the body contact, the sweaty, panting excitement, and the idea of being penetrated, I've resisted. Are some guys not capable of standing the pain? The guys I've screwed over the years have enjoyed it. Any suggestions?
Gentleman Asking You, Anal Sex Sage
Buttsex: Some folks just can't take it, GAYASS, and you may be one of them. But you can have all the sweat, pants and excitement of anal without the penetration. Just grease up his dick, grease up your inner thighs, clamp your thighs around his dick, and let him pound away. Extra credit: Reach down between your legs and cup your greasy hands together on the opposite side as he pseudofucks you from behind so that his dick, once it pokes through your thighs, still feels as though it's "inside" something, even if that something isn't your spun-glass ass.
My daughter is 14 years old and she has been searching on the internet for "sneezing fetish" information. She reads articles about it every day. She reads stories about sneezing (some with sexual acts in them!) and watches YouTube videos of people sneezing every day! Yes, she might be curious if she heard the term "sneezing fetish" from someone, but no normal person would search about it on the internet every day! How can anyone actually associate sneezing with sex — and she's only 14! It's makes me uncomfortable reading this stuff! Is this normal? I am so worried!
Worried Mom
Kinky people aren't assigned their kinks during their freshman orientation sessions at university, WM, and no one has ever contracted a fetish — like a cold? — just because someone uttered the name of it aloud. (And no fetishist has ever been cured by Mom freaking out.) People tend to become aware of their kinks, and start scouring the Web in search of information about them, right around puberty. Which means your daughter is perfectly normal — a perfectly normal, perfectly kinky kid.
Like lots of young kinksters, she may be consumed by her kink now; she's just realized that she's not alone, and she's busily reading and viewing everything she can about it. It's unlikely that her kink will remain so all-consuming, WM. Sooner or later she'll relax about it, and relax into it, and one day she'll have a very nice boyfriend — or girlfriend — who loves her enough to indulge her harmless kink or, better still, she'll meet someone online she clicks with emotionally and intellectually who also shares her kink.
In the meantime, WM, if it makes you uncomfortable to read what your daughter is reading online, stop reading it.
This article appears in Jun 16-22, 2011.