My skin is flushed a deep crimson and it only takes a moment for a puddle of sweat to pool below me each time I pause at the beginning of each new set. Darting from rowing machine to wall ball squats before finishing with kettle bell swings, I can hardly catch my breath before the next round begins and I start all over again. The minutes fly by, which I am grateful for because I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The past year of training for triathlons and half marathons has done nothing to prepare me for this. Our coach catches my eye as I stumble into our final round. She can recognize something in my face as she looks me right in the eye:
“Welcome to CrossFit, grrl!”
I haven’t even finished my first workout and I am already hooked.
I catch my wife Steph’s eye; she dragged me here today and knows how intimidated I have been by the idea of CrossFit.
“It’s not what you’d expect,” she gushed to me a few days ago after her first time here at Burg CrossFit.
This is exactly what I’d expect, I grumble upon pulling into the gravel parking lot. This place is everything I assumed CrossFit would be.
At least on the surface.
A large, non-air conditioned warehouse in an industrial neighborhood alongside railroad tracks and a building materials plant, I walk through oversized garage doors and into the gym. Groups of people scatter at various stations: Some climb ropes or sling barbells; others lay shirtless in a pool of their own sweat, gasping for air like fish out of water.
Yep, this is CrossFit alright.
The idea of CrossFit has always scared me for two reasons: One, I tend to injure myself easily and I don’t want to get hurt. Two, I fear being made fun of or judged. After seeing family and friends transform their bodies through CrossFit, I began looking at local gyms online a while ago. What I found was discouraging: Coaches and even gym owners themselves using social media as an outlet to mock and belittle others for things like workout attire choices or even exercise regimens (you can run a marathon or race in triathlons — to them, it’s not good enough if it’s not CrossFit).
Running and exercise are my therapy. Working out is the way I calm my crazy — a crazy mostly stemming from deep-seated low self-esteem, among other things. The last thing I need is to work out in a place where I am being criticized, mocked or ridiculed.
Enter Burg CrossFit. Unlike some CrossFit gyms, Burg is more than meets the eye. After I walk through the sea of svelte bodies and am greeted by one of the head coaches, my initial fears are assuaged. There are multiple coaches for each class, she assures me. I will always have someone keeping an eye out, checking my form and answering my questions.
Burg also offers counseling sessions and nutrition coaching; one of each of which are free when you first sign up. This impresses me, as I am a huge believer in the intricate connection between physical and mental health.
Every single time I enter the gym, I am scared. I am scared of being laughed at for never having touched a barbell before in my life. I am scared someone will mock me for racing triathlons and half marathons, yet not being able to do a single pull-up. I am scared someone will judge me for not looking like a “typical athlete.” I am scared I may lift something the wrong way and get hurt.
But every single time I leave the gym, I am reassured. No matter how much I struggle to finish a workout or how weak I feel in comparison to others, I am coached and encouraged and reminded repeatedly throughout my workouts how capable I am. Burg is full of coaches who act as personal trainers, but better: The first time I dangle from the pull-up bars and raise my knees without falling off, one of my coaches tells me she is proud of me — and I know she really means it.
One of my most humbling moments in CrossFit happens when I push myself a little too hard and realize I may lose my lunch. Stubbornly, rather than stop and take a breather, I decide to keep going (note: if you feel like you may be sick while jumping rope, it is not a smart idea to continue jumping rope). I finish my set and immediately run outside. I only make it two steps out the door before puking everywhere. Not only am I directly in front of the main entrance and in clear view of everyone working out, to make matters worse, a local food truck is parked directly next to me. The owners and customers witness the entire thing.
Humiliated and hurting after spewing my guts out, I fight back tears when suddenly I feel a hand on my back. I have seen this guy before: Super strong, super buff, super capable. He is the type of person I would expect to laugh behind my back as I hurl out front, yet here he is giving such a gentle demonstration of support and encouragement.
“It’s alright, we’ve all been there. Don’t worry, it’s OK. You’re OK.”
This isn’t just any CrossFit. This is Burg CrossFit.
The weeks fly by and before I know it, Steph and I have been CrossFitting for a solid month. I never know what to expect and am pushed outside of both mental and physical comfort zones. Most of the time, I ask the coaches half a dozen questions about how to properly execute a move.
Steph and I celebrate finally finding something healthy we can both enjoy together. Burg CrossFit has an app we use to log our progress, but the main changes I see are in my everyday activity and mobility: Carrying overfilled grocery bags from car to kitchen without hurting myself, squatting down to pick something up off the ground. Ironically, I am now capable of doing certain yoga poses that have eluded me for the past year and a half of consistent practice.
Though I have to modify pretty much every move in a workout, I always walk out feeling a little bit stronger and more capable. Swinging kettle bells, tossing wall balls and lifting weights work out muscle groups that my miles of swims, bikes and runs never have. I am grateful to have started this journey; grateful to a wife who encourages me, coaches who educate me and fellow CrossFitters who cheer me on. I didn’t expect it to happen, but I am totally falling in love with this sport.
Burg CrossFit, you had me at first WOD (editor's note: workout of the day).
This article appears in Aug 10-17, 2017.