Credit: Screengrab via CSPAN

Credit: Screengrab via CSPAN
In an effort to draw historical parallels between the Mueller report and Watergate, former White House Counsel John Dean appeared for a House Judiciary Committee hearing on Monday only to be barked at by Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, a large-headed physical manifestation of a 4chan thread.

Gaetz, who’s recovering from a very recent "milkshaking," used his allotted time at the hearing to insult Dean in the most ageist way possible, referring to the hearing as a version of “That 70s Show,” asking if we could use a Ouija board to summon Nixon, and calling the former Republican “Old Man Christmas,” because, you know, Dean is old.

Gaetz also tried to argue that Dean was being used as “a prop” by the Democrats and that he’s made a “cottage industry” for himself out of his Nixon comparisons. Dean then stated that Gaetz isn’t expected to understand the Nixon comparisons because he wasn’t born yet.

At another point, Gaetz stupidly asked Dean how Democrats planned to pay for “Medicare for All,” arguing, “I figured if we were going to ask you about stuff you don’t know about, we’d start with the big stuff.” Dean then swatted away this idiotic statement with, “Actually Nixon had a healthcare plan.”

Here’s the whole dumb exchange:


Clearly Gaetz’s goal was to discredit history and Dean as much as possible, but he failed to do so in the worst, must smug way by not asking any tangible questions and venting into his microphone about “leakers” and “liars.”

After Gaetz went off on his longwinded ramblings, Dean was then given a chance to respond. “That was a speech,” said Dean. “I don’t believe I can respond to it. It’s not sufficient time.”

This is just the latest chapter in what has easily been a rough couple weeks for Gaetz, starting with the news that he may lose his law license for sending threatening tweets to Micheal Cohen, and also getting introduced to the U.K. practice of “milkshaking,” which is not funny in the slightest.  

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This article appears in Jun 6-13, 2019.

Colin Wolf has been working with weekly newspapers since 2007 and has been the Digital Editor for Creative Loafing Tampa since 2019. He is also the Director of Digital Content Strategy for CL's parent...