Sex sells, so it makes sense that sex appeal is often used to market the green movement. Several magazines have recently come out with "sexy" ways to go green that are as impractical and as much of an ego stroke as buying a Mini Cooper. While I'm also jumping on the "green sex" bandwagon, I aim to provide ways to go green in the sack that are more practical than sexy.
Don't have kids!!! Kids are so unsexy. Not only will these little bastards kill your sex life, sully your nightlife, and make it increasingly difficult to afford romantic getaways, they're also the largest source of pollution worldwide—considering they grow up to become full-fledged consumer-whore polluters like you and me. No environmental organizations or political groups want to admit the evils of children for fear of being misanthropic, but it's simple math. If you want to reduce the human strain on the earth, reduce the number of people. Instead of donating money to reactionary programs like "feeding the homeless" or "starving children" funds, be proactive by supporting groups like Planned Parenthood that attack the problem at the source.
Use condoms: Never listen to a dirty hippie who claims he doesn't believe in condoms because they aren't biodegradable.
This article appears in May 20-26, 2009.