America is a land of laws. Unfortunately, we don't have one preventing a wealthy, delusional gasbag with all the leadership qualities of a bitter late-season kumquat from turning the dark comedy of our political process into out-and-out satire.
Donald Trump is running for president again, maybe even for real this time. Those who care to will remember his early grandstanding for the 2012 ticket was regarded by real GOP power brokers with the kind of frayed tolerance Trump himself probably displays for a once-favored mistress's yappy, carpet-piddling purse dog. (Also, he used Neil Young's "Rockin' in the Free World" without permission.)
Cops, Part 1: Sick of all the pot grow-house seizures going on around town? Time to level up — Pinellas County sheriffs detectives busted a meth lab in St. Pete. If you guessed the lab was in a trailer park on Haines Road, you win nothing, because derf.
Cops, Part 2: Pasco cops will be featured on COPS this season (the show's 28th), apparently for the first time if you can believe it. If you guessed that 80% of the footage is domestic abuse call-related, well, you'll just have to wait and see, but we're pretty sure you're on to something there, Sherlock.
The Seminole Tribe of Florida would like a say in the state judiciary's consideration of allowing slot machines at dog tracks and other locations, please, before our bottomless greed leaves them with nothing but alligator wrestling and alcoholism, thanks.
And finally, Cops, Part 3 (sorta): Customs agents arrested a woman arriving in Miami from Jamaica who allegedly had more than two pounds of contraband stuffed into the sewn stomachs of a batch of fried fish. If you guessed it was weed, you're wrong. It was blow! When you're used to a certain type of routine, caffeine just isn't gonna do the get-up-and-go trick, I guess.
This article appears in Jun 11-17, 2015.