It’s the Friday before the Friday before our most carefully balanced holiday with regard to spirituality and consumerism. Starting at 4:30 p.m. today, all good people will be sent directly to the office party, while all bad people will be sent directly to the mall. Act accordingly.
Members of the St. Pete City Council met with architects and designers about potential updates and upgrades to the new St. Pete Pier, some of which could conceivably be paid for out of the additional $14 million the mayor wants to spend on the project. Budgets and plans? Psssht. That shit’s FOR THE WEAK.
Details of South Florida… rapper(?) Pitbull‘s “brand ambassador” deal with tourism agency Visit Florida came out yesterday, including the fact that he was paid a million bucks to basically add a hashtag to his tweets. This is money well spent. No, wait. It’s the other thing. This is like buying a burning trash barge and trying to put it out by dumping buckets of cash on it.
From the “and you can absolutely believe what happened next” file: contaminated water from the Mosaic sinkhole spill (remember?) is being diluted and released into the Alafia River, after the company assured the public all radioactive water would be stored on-site. “But how does this affect me personally?” asks somebody who apparently doesn’t realize that even bottled water has to come from fucking somewhere.
And finally, Tampa International Airport has added to its already long list of accolades — it’s been ranked second in the nation for customer satisfaction by JD Power, right behind perennial winner Portland (Oregon) PDX. And PDX only wins every year because two-thirds of the people that use it are so high they think they’re in a space station from a ’70s movie. Anyway, congrats! Our airport is pretty rad.
This article appears in Dec 15-22, 2016.
