OK. It's almost over. All you gotta do is deal with people at work talking about tonight's final debate, and then the debate itself. And then the discussions people will want to have immediately after the debate. And then the week of scorched-earth social media madness after that. And then the three weeks running up to the actual election.
We'll never make it.
A St. Petersburg cop was suspended without pay after being charged with his second DUI since becoming a police officer. To be fair, his car was pointed in the right direction of travel for the lane he was in, and he didn't hit another cop, or anybody. But to be factual, he was also asleep in said car, in said lane. Which is, you know, not good either.
The Bolts beat the Florida Panthers 4-3 in the sixth round of a shootout, and remain undefeated. "These comebacks and overtime games are going to give me a heart attack," said a bunch of hockey fans whose heart attacks will actually probably be precipitated by sports-bar diets.
Researchers in Polk County say they're close to a breakthrough in fighting citrus greening, the disease that's been devastating Florida's main cash crop in recent years, by creating new trees that are resistant to the infection. They've just got a few side effects to eliminate, and will begin experimental planting as soon as they figure out how stop the new trees from peeling and eating children.
And finally, guess what Florida residents have been Googling more than any other state. If you said "how to keep a man," "how to get on The Voice," "how to break a lease," or "how to get out of Florida," among others, A) You've been here to long, and B) just get in your car and drive north singing along to the radio with your man until you hit Valdosta. It's not hard, folks.
This article appears in Oct 13-20, 2016.