13 tongue-in-cheek porn titles of 2013 (NSFW)

The most absurd, clever, funny, and perverse porno titles of the year.

Many unfair stigmas about the porn industry persist, but at least one is comically true. LA's x-rated "silicone valley" produces an orgy of absurdly perverse titles each year. In honor of Friday the 13th, below is a celebration of 13 of the most amusing porno titles of 2013. The descriptions of these films are also included to give you a taste of porn writing and its insistence on using exclamation points to end each sentence, like punctuation money-shots to cap each raunchy description!

Cirque du Hole-A: "Witness the amazing pogo-dick trick! You're the class clown if you miss this one! Anal acrobatics! Ferocious pussies tamed! Sphinctacular stunts!" Cast: Riley Evans, Criss Strokes, Joslyn James, Christian, Jada Stevens, Cece Stone, Prince Yahshua, Mari Possa, Jayda Diamonde, Phoenix Marie.

Just In Beaver Fever: "Justin has been waiting to fuck Selena forever, but she's a lesbian! She tells him he can only watch! So he storms out, jumps in his sports car and leaves Selena to bang her girlfriend uninterrupted! Upset about Selena, Justin gets pulled over for driving like a douche. Luckily the female cop is a big fan and they end up negotiating a deal to keep Justin out of jail. Relieved he's not in jail, Justin goes to Usher's house who is entertaining Amanda. As soon as Usher leaves the room, Justin makes his move. Usher catches them and gets pissed, but Amanda begs them both to fuck her... they agree. Justin finally comes home to find his hot little neighbor who's always flirting with him. But her boyfriend is a huge football player. Again, as soon as he leaves, Justin bounces around the corner, into her house and into her tight, shaved pussy!" Cast: Alexis Ford, Vanessa Veracruz , Presley Hart, Jessa Rhodes, Alexa Aimes, Jon Jon, Seth Gamble.

Trustfund Trannies: "What do you get when a Tranny has lots of daddy's money? TROUBLE! Follow these Trustfund Trannies as they use their position and power to get their Transsexual desires satisfied. Shot on location in the AMAZING villas of Spain and the Luscious Mansions of Hollywood Hills. Featuring the HOT new comer Holly Harlow brings new meaning to the words SPOILED SLUT." Cast: Danielle Foxxx, Holly Harlow, Liberty Harkness, Morgan Bailey, Natalia, Natassia Dreams, Ryder Monroe.

Cray Cray Vajayjay: "Just thinking about what is under those panties is making me crazy. I think I'm Cray Cray for that Vajayjay!" Cast: Brooke Taylor, Codi Bryant, Destiny Lane, Nivea.

Gag Gift: "It's the gift that keeps on cumming!" Cast: Binky Bangs, Danica Dillon, Jasmine Delatori, Jessa Rhodes, Kodi Gamble, Mia Gold, Nilah Summers.

Slumber Party Cupcake Sluts: "Hot friends make delicious treats! If you love wet pussy, big tits, and girly sex, this movie is for you! All of my best girlfriends and I give a lot of love to our tight little holes. We fuck and suck and cum super hard just for you. Get ready for juicy pussy licking action with a cast that knows how to do it best. Enjoy!" Cast: Tasha Reign, Raven Bay, Maddy O'Reilly, Rikki Six, Sarah Vandella, Lexi Swallow.

click to enlarge Asa Akira - HUSTLER
Hustler
Asa Akira
  • Hustler
  • Asa Akira

Sailor Poon: "This Cosplay Porn Experience Allows You To Choose: Which Sexy Superhero You Want: Lexi Belle, Asa Akira, Or Heather Starlet! Sex Positions! Camera Angels! When To Pop! How The Story Unfolds! Cast: Asa Akira, Lexi Belle, Heather Starlet.

Cream Filled Japanese Fur Burgers: "A Fur Burger Ain't Nothing Without Cream! Hair Lined Japanese Burgers Are So Much Tastier And Tender When Cream Filled! Have Your Choice Of 4 All New Fresh Varieties. Medium-Rare And Extra Sauce Please!" Cast: Hinata Hyuga, Kurumi, Miyu Ninomiya, Rikako Yokoyama.

My Hairy Sugar Walls: "Enjoy these 13 hairy girls in 12 scenes of hairball inducing goodness!" Cast: Alice, Angie, Bella Bends, Felix Weatherwood, Jak Hana, Kate, Lera, Roxane, Shrima, Taya, Vasilia, Wildrossy.

Pump’r in the Dumper: "These horny hotties know the painful pleasure of taking a cock straight up their tight asses! Watch as these girls get their sphincters stretched to the breaking point... They won't walk straight for a while after we're done with them!" Cast: Alexa Benson, Lena Cova, Niki Sweet, Riley Evans.

Cougars vs. Kittens: "Whether you like them young and tight or seasoned and sex-sational, Adult's finest feline forms come together to see who possesses the greatest sex prowess." Cast: Phoenix Marie, Rayveness, Devon Lee, Presley Hart, Dillion Harper, Ash Hollywood, Kris Slater, Logan Pierce, Diana Prince, Kendall Karson, Tyler Nixon, Ryan McLane.

Tongue in Cheek: "Director Kevin Moore brings state-of-the-art camerawork and a passion for freaky fetish to his very first all-girl release. 'Tongue In Cheek' emphasizes deep, devoted rim jobs and ass play in four scalding scenes of intimate lesbian desire. The director loves exposing his deep-seated kinks to the mainstream porn market, and very few movies have been dedicated to the girl-girl ass-licking niche. So Kevin assembled a killer cast of insatiable butt sluts, beautiful babes with zero inhibition when it comes to Sapphic salad tossing." Cast: Monique Alexander, Maddy O'Reilly, Juelz Ventura, Kendra Lust, Karlie Montana, Romi Rain, Aleksa Nicole, Sandy.

Slut Bottom Chris Meets the Prostate Assassins: "Slut Bottom Chris is a pegging freak of nature! Watch beautiful dommes ram his ass with the biggest dildos you've ever seen! Tons of fun with a heeldo and strap-ons!" Cast: Aiden Star, Kiki D'aire, Slut Bottom Chris.

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