A (slightly obsessive) response to John Mayer’s "dirty mind and lonely heart" interview in Rolling Stone

getting high. I want to burst into tears while driving around town in my Beetle every time "Slowdancing in a Burning Room" makes its way into the shuffle.


"He hasn’t stopped thinking about his split with ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston ("I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life.")" I used to like Jennifer Aniston, now I think I may have to kill her. Oh well.


"His sex life has become an endless loop of new girls rejecting him in clubs ("Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!")." Clearly, he has not run into me in a bar recently.


"Mayer’s in the midst of a massive 10-year record deal and enjoys the pleasures of late-night weed-and-video-game sessions, as well as his $20 million vintage watch collection." Sounds exactly like one of my exes. Minus the record deal, the watch collection and the presence of any sort of "money."


"Mayer is after 'the Joshua Tree of vaginas.'" If that is not me, I do not know what is.


OH MY GOD THERE IS A VIDEO?!?!?!? I'm sorry, I ummmm, I have to go watch this for the next hour.


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Follow Amanda on Twitter: @MandaAnn

If you read anything I write or actually know me in real life, you might know a few things about me. The word "awesome" is my favorite. I like Tina Fey. I hate Heidi Montag. I want to marry John Mayer. The remainder of this foray into writing deals with only one of these many quirks of my personality. Which one? The only one deserving it's very own blog post, the "Master of Hotness" himself, Mr. John C. Mayer. (Cue hearts floating above my head as my eyes get all dreamy-like and I imagine what it would be like to fall asleep in his arms, while he strums a guitar, which seems impossible but it all makes sense in my mind, and we name our future children before he brings me a huge platter of chips and queso and we eat that while watching episodes of 30 Rock, which is also his favorite show. *Sigh*)

This glorious man is gracing the cover of Rolling Stone this month and after I spent anywhere from 20 to 80 minutes starring at the shot of him in bed (oh dear lord, I just cannot. stop. staring.), I realized that there was actually an article to go along with the photo. Who knew?! Well, let's give this a lil read there shall we? Put these glasses to work.

After the jump, I respond to his interview with Rolling Stone and either guarantee myself a restraining order or get his attention and make all my dreams come true. I am taking my chances.

"He prefers Continuum to his 2009 disc Battle Studies." Yeah, um, join the club John. I mean, I like Battle Studies a whole lot but I don't want to hear you sing about

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