I used to run a pool for the YMCA over the summer. I loved it: I taught swim lessons to the older kids, which meant four nights a week I treaded water in the deep end for about two hours; I had a killer tan (um, spare me the skin cancer lecture; I'm Italian); I had keys to a high school pool so I could go back at night with my boyfriend; and, most of all, I spent my summers in and near the water.
Had it paid more than $9.39 an hour (part time only and, of course, no benefits save free YMCA membership), I'd probably still be doing it. Except for when I worked at Disney, it was the most fun I ever had at a job. I mean, I love my job — seriously, I get to do all the things — I don't get nearly enough water time. That's why I jumped at the chance to teach my friend Amanda's almost-two-year-old son to swim. Once a week I try and convince him to do basic things, like wait for permission before he goes in the pool, close his mouth when he sticks his head in the water and to kick his chubby little feet. Once a week, he gives me the toddler equivalent of a middle finger. He does what he wants, man. We all have that one friend who gets drunk and obstinate, right? Teaching a two-year-old to swim is a lot like convincing that drunk friend they cannot drive themselves home.
My point? I'll be in the water by the time you read this (I hope) and you? Well, you should be weekending like a two-year-old at swim lessons. Here's how:
Friday
Head to Margarita Wars Friday night, because, well, tequila.
After Hours at Boca Bay: There's something about "ladies drink free" that feels vaguely 1993 to me, but I'll take it — especially when Boca Bay is within stumbling distance of my house. Friday night, from 10 p.m.-12 a.m.
Saturday
Ever wonder why outdoorsy people look like hell? CL contributor and purveyor of unofficial Florida Man Kayak Trips, Thomas Hallock, will ponder that question on the Hillsborough River Saturday morning. Want to join him? Wear your swankiest aqua socks and Columbia outdoors shirt. There's no link for this, so if you want in, bring your kayak or canoe and meet at 10 a.m. at the USF Riverfront Park. The park's website says you need a valid USF ID, so either take your chances or dust off your old one.
Because black lives do matter, black allies, partners and people can head to Books and Breakfast in Childs Park Saturday morning. Because knowledge is power.
Take a road trip to the De Soto National Memorial and laugh about what rubes we are to think the De Soto Trail is truth.
Saturday means bacon. A whole damn Bacon Festival, to be precise.
Tampa Zine Fest in Ybor: Because Kinkos rocked.
Head to the Harry Potter release party at the Tyrone B&N.
Sunday
End the weekend with Best in Show on the MFA lawn. Hey, we're out of practice — we have to get in shape for St. Pete Preservation's Movies in Park.
Alternately, watch naked men do magic at the Naked Magic Show at the Straz. Apparently, it gets pretty naked…
This article appears in Jul 28 – Aug 4, 2016.