Screw the damn turkey. We do two things on Thanksgiving in my family: lasagna and an emasculated rooster, known to some as a "capon." Turkey tastes like dried ass compared to the juicy dream that is a capon. That's what castration does to a bird, folks — makes it worthwhile. I'd like to note I by no means endorse that for men. It has the exact opposite affect.
This weekend, I'll be out of town at the Miami Book Fair — posting here, of course, but also in a reader's geek heaven — and making lists for what I should do for Thanksgiving:
Capon? Ordered.
Macaroni? Make it Tuesday night.
Gravy? Make it Wednesday.
Scotch? Duh.
Sweet potatoes, cornbread stuffing, casserole? Make it Thursday
Rumpkin pie? Crust made months ago, in freezer. Pie filled while Barry carves capon; cooks while we eat.
Dinner at 8:30; coma by 9:30. After that, it's three days of weekend, but we'll be back in time for that.
Here's enough weekend to get you through until then, in case you happen to have the next week off.
Weekend-long fun
Et Cultura heads into the home stretch this weekend. Choose from a ton of free activities — a maker's market, projection mapping, three art shows and a Florida folk stage, to get you started — or purchase a day pass for $25, which gets you all the music, film and yoga you can stand. Honestly, you could simply head towards Green Bench Friday night and weekend right there — the fest will keep you full on culture (and far too busy to do anything else) for the entire weekend.
If you're not going to spend the weekend there, I only judge you a little bit, because there's a ton of stuff all over the area. Also happening all weekend? The Legendary Sirens — retired mermaids — perform at Weeki Wachee. No, they're not 20. Yes, they kick ass. My opinion? They're better in the water than the young ones (who, make no mistake, are no slouches). They're far more at home in their bodies, and it shows.
No matter what you do this weekend, you need to eat. It's St. Pete Restaurant Weekend, so what are you waiting for? Get in there!
Friday Night
Got stories? Get some at Story Slam 2016 in Clearwater, or, if you want to laugh, head to the Improv Fest in St. Pete. Want to kick back and watch a tried-and-true movie? Tampa Theatre's serving up The Royal Tenenbaums.
Saturday
Head to the first of two Shopapalooza Saturdays in Straub Park. We gave LocalShops1 a hard time at this year's Best of the Bay, but founder Ester does good work. Go see what we mean, OK?
North Pinellas way you can catch the Dunedin Celtic and Craft Beer Festival.
Catch the last night of The Realistic Joneses in Ybor.
Sunday
Seriously, get to Et Cultura if you haven't. Also, my new favorite breakfast place? A bit out of the way for almost all of us, but still spectacular. Or should I say Speggtacular?
Alright, I'll check in on you guys over the next few days, but behave yourselves of no Rumpkin pie for you, OK?
