- Adam Lambert tried to hide from the paparazzi by dressing like a poor kid from Brooklyn visiting his grandparents at their Miami condo. Adam's disguise failed and to make a long story short, he tried to dry hump the paparazzo. The paparazzo liked it, who wouldn't.
- Many have come before her and many will follow after, but now, now it's Mariah Carey's time to shine on HSN. She is joining the ranks of Priscilla Presley, Suzanne Somers, Paula Abdul and Carmen Electra. I smell a comeback for Miss Mimi.
- Speaking of comebacks in a sarcastic manner, Lindsay Lohan failed a drug test, is sorry and has to go back to court. I wonder what her fingernails will say this time.
- BREAKING NEWS: Joaquin Phoenix wasn't serious with that whole beardy rapper thing!!!!!!!!! I. am. shocked. Excuse me, I need to go write a letter to Santa about this, surely he will want to know that this lying fool needs to be put on the naughty list.*
After the jump, Randy Quaid is a squatter, Heidi's beach ball falls out of her bikini, a warning for Blake Lively and a tearful goodbye to @johncmayer.
This article appears in Sep 16-22, 2010.