Ask Dream Momma: boyfriend blow-off

“Dear Dream Momma, I can only remember the tail-end of this dream.  I am in a bar or club setting while outdoors with my boyfriend who, in the dream, is actually played by one of his friends that I am ambivalent towards, and not attracted to in any way in real life.  A couple of other friends of his are also along.  He has expressed his desire to see other people, which I agree to, and begins doing so immediately, talking to a group of women at the bar.  I go seek the company of other women, as allies, unsuccessfully.

Meanwhile I have also agreed to help him with some sort of engineering or surveying project nearby.  The landscape is Grand Canyon-esque, deep gorges and a fast-moving river nearby.  There is some sort of white box mounted on a pole that requires my attention periodically or the river will soon become out of control. I am annoyed and feeling put-open, as my boyfriend is now out with the group of women as I attend to this project.

The final stage of this project involves a large black poodle, with a natural haircut, towing a rope of some sort with it’s mouth and/or on a long-leash, running up and down a ledge over the river, and, as this is being completed, one of the boyfriend’s friends, now more distinct, a very neutral-looking man in his mid-to-late twenties, very matter-of fact, comes along for the final stage, pulling a silver metallic quilted square from the white box, about the size of a baby blanket, and stating that it is the prototype.

I am still very annoyed as this man receives a call from my “boyfriend” who is relating the fun he is having with the group of women, and interrupt the call to have him ask the boyfriend to come get the equipment, which must be removed.  The “neutral man” requests that I call directly, but I cannot get though, and am having a bit of a tantrum.  He then relays my message, to no effect.

As I am ranting about “How inconsiderate, what a jerk, etc.  . .” the neutral man explains that he lives with 2 men, naming them, and that they behave the same way.  He is being overtly tolerant.  I know the men’s names; one is a client, the other a prospect in my working life, but I am apparently unaware of their prestigious statuses, per “neutral man.”  Who is now obviously bewildered by my naïveté and lack of awareness of ‘how the world works.’”

Dream Momma wants to thank this dreamer for such a classic dream about co-dependency and the pissy attitude that often goes with it.  There is also what Carl Jung calls the anima/animus we mere mortals struggle to balance in our psyches.  Yikes! What’s a human to do?

First let’s look at the passive/pissy nature of the dreamer’s female energy. Ugh! Words like ambivalent, agree, put-upon, and annoyed all roll of her keyboard. She then proceeds to have a tantrum “to no effect.” OMG, no wonder her boyfriend wants out.

But wait, her inner man, neutral and reasoning appears in her psyche. This is good news! He tries to reason with her, in effect saying all men are pigs who want to screw around and use compliant women. Duh!  Her animus is very paternal, patient, and tolerant yet in the end Dream Momma can envision him rolling his eyes at his female counterpart. Often, when we’ve been over-culturalized into a gender role as a child, we truly do lose our perspective.

What this dreamer needs to do is embrace her animus. He’s there waiting for her to wake up. She needs to step back and begin to understand her passive female whose clearly co-dependent (see paragraph two) and angry. She needs to find the savvy female (who uses her animus effectively) who can say GFY to the philandering boyfriend.

Here’s how to kick start the solution. First, say GFY to the guy loudly in a crowded outdoor bar of your peers. People will cheer you, believe me. Secondly, practice saying “no” arbitrarily five times a day. This dreamer needs to understand her “no” won’t be catastrophic and lead to banishment like it did when she was a child. Finally, read a book called The Robber Bride to learn and understand how much men really hate codependent women.

Dream Momma

Into self-discovery and self-identity? Send Dream Momma a dream. [email protected]

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