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Ask Dream Momma: Sleeping with husband or brother?

By Dream Momma on Wed, Feb 9, 2011 at 10:48 am

Here are Dream Momma’s thoughts. She is wondering why you are suggesting this dream is about your shadow Self. That thought indicates there is a dark side to this dream and that can only be one thing. Incestuous feelings for your brother. Yet, Dream Momma wonders, giving the content of the dream, if that is so. Let’s examine it more. First you say there was no sexuality in the gentle touch. It almost sounds like a mother’s touch. Warm and caring, but wait, when you discover the arms are disembodied you experience stress and shiver. Hmmm. There is also an indication in the dream that your husband and your brother are equals and you are not sure which dominates your psychosexual bed. The plot does thicken here.

In many cultures sib-ships regardless of gender share the same bed but that doesn’t usually extend beyond childhood. Dream Momma sees a boundary issue and does wonder where your parents were as you both got older. Oh well, parents can be so absent (unconscious) in so many ways and here is another example of one. An example you are paying a price for today and she suspects your brother may be paying a higher one.

Dream Momma is glad you sought her advice and now she gives it as requested. This heart of this dream is about your desire to receive warmth and nurturing from your husband without it always leading to sex. To receive the intimacy and emotional support from him that you currently enjoy with your brother. (Join the BIG club of women who want that). The symbolic arms without a body is your denial of a sexual response to your brother and Dream Momma believes you. She also believes the true shadow in this dream is your denial about what it might mean to your still single brother to hop into his bed so naively well into adulthood. Please! Are you as unconscious as your parents were? Wake up woman! You don’t indicate that he’s gay so, have you never thought what might be going on with him about all this? Dream Momma suggests part of your shadow is not understanding the fundamental difference between men and women about sex, and not setting personal boundaries within the family system as you got older. Actual incest? No? Emotional incest? Yes.

Here’s what you need to do. Be honest with your husband about your needs and really push for him to meet them. Next, set boundaries with your brother by staying out of his bed. Stop visiting him without your husband. If your brother gets upset with this shift in your behavior agree to see a therapist with him to help him set his boundaries and find a woman (other than yourself) for him to have a future with. Finally, fight your shadow to have your emotional needs get met at your brother’s expense. Dream Momma suggests this may be difficult but oh so necessary.

Finally Dream Momma thanks you for sending this provocative dream and hopes other readers will learn from it.

Dream Momma

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Dear Dream Momma, I remember waking up to the following dream tonight: I am lying in bed with someone (I am unsure whether it was my brother or husband, but it is one of the two) and I am talking to that person. Suddenly, I feel some hands warmly stroking my back and fixing my nightshirt. I think it is the person lying next to me, but suddenly I realize, the bed is big enough and I am far away enough that there is no way that they could reach me. The gentle touch is coming from the other side of the bed. I turn quickly and I realize I almost see the gentle arms and hands, and they are not associated with a body. The touch was gentle and caring, but there was no feeling of sexuality in it. Yet, when I realize that there is no body associated with the arms and hands, I immediately wake up stressed and shivering, trying to feel the bed next to me for a body to go with the arms. And of course there is nothing. My first thought is, I may be seeing my shadow self .?? P.S.: I am very close with my brother, we are practically twins. He is someone with whom I share almost everything and who supports me in all (or most) of my efforts. We grew up sleeping in the same room bed to bed until we were probably about 20. So, sometimes even now, when I visit him, I sleep in his (king size) bed, as he has no other accommodation and he happens to be single since recently. So, I don't believe there is any other meaning in our being in the same bed. Please advise what your thoughts are. Thanks a lot in advance.”