Bill's Sports Binge: All my exes live in Tampa, Tiki reruns and 2 cents can be too tense

Former Ray and current walking birth control ad Elijah Dukes was arrested for aggravated battery on his pregnant ex-girlfriend in a motel where they were staying. The woman, 20-year-old Mountrail Mounshay Mack (hold on...'papers rustling'...yep, that's her name alright. Winning!) told deputies that she was slapped several times in the face during an argument last Wednesday. Irony Alert: If you're stupid enough to hang around a worthless sack of feral animal shit like Dukes (at least 5 children with four women including impregnating a 17-year-old foster child staying with a relative of his, arrested three times for battery, once for assault, and once for contempt) you deserve to be slapped several times in the face. I'm still trying to absorb the universe where you can be pregnant and live with a man yet still be considered an "ex". Guess a hot bachelor needs to keep his options open, eh Eli?

Speaking of ex's, former Bucs embarrassment Jerramy Stevens was arrested Thursday for felony battery after punching two Duke's Bar bouncers in the noggin as they were escorting him out for being "unruly" (read: asshole). Stevens, as you may remember, was arrested last October on a felony charge of marijuana with intent to sell (read: drug dealer). You may also remember him from high school where he stomped a kid's skull while a friend used a baseball bat, or when he paid a $300,000 settlement to an alleged rape victim in college, or when he smashed his ride into a nursing home in 2001 and ran, or his DUI in 2003 and again in 2007. What you may not be aware of is the fact that he posted $2,500 bail, has since been released from jail and is currently walking the streets! Seriously, why the f*** is this monster not wearing shackles and an orange onesie around his ankles while his cellmates gang-fist him in the shower?

Times reporter Tom Jones took a shot at me about a year ago and I shook it off. Last week he took a shot at a friend of mine and I figured, hey, criticism is part of the heated kitchen of the press. This week he took an all too popular and sanctimonious take on sports journalism and cheering as it pertained to a motor sports writer I never heard of and for some reason I just couldn't let it slide without comment. After Sports Illustrated had dismissed freelance reporter Tom Bowles for clapping after that 20-year-old kid Trevor Bayne took the checkered flag at Daytona, Jones rather smugly defended the decision and preached against the unpardonable sin of emotion.

"There is no cheering in the press box. Ever. End of professional journalist should ever let his hands come together to celebrate someone's victory...Who wins and loses never matters."


Bias doesn't make you dishonest. It makes you human. A tough father or coach can root for his child or player to succeed without sacrificing perspective or pragmatism. If anything it makes them more critical. I'm not questioning the etiquette or professionalism expected in your average press box, a bit stuffy and elitist if you ask me, but if a beat writer tells you it truly doesn't matter if your team wins or loses, he's either lying, been in the business too long and forgot why he got into sports writing in the first place, or is, in fact, a cyborg from the future sent to kill Sarah Connor.

That said, you'll never catch me clapping in the press box. Because you'll never see me in the press box. Ever. I'm in the stands clapping and cheering, unapologetically for the Rays/Bucs/Lightning on my own dime with the rest of the fans, fair and biased. If I wanted to stoically sit on my hands, I'd write obituaries. That's my two cents, anyway. Although mine may be a little overpriced. Just grab it out of the take-a-penny leave-a-penny bin.

[image-1]Quicker Hits: Rays 3B Evan Longoria had his 1967 Camaro stolen out of an Arizona lot where he was getting it refurbished (Oh, Evan. You're in the big leagues now. You can afford a new car. And waiter, no more of the 1966 Chateau Latour. Let's splurge! Bring us some fresh wine. The freshest you've got. This year. No more of this old stuff); After taking a four year vacation highlighted by saying c**t on national television, RB Tiki Barber is planning a return to the NFL at age 35. "After seeing how much fun (twin brother) Ronde is still having it reignited my fire and I'm looking forward to the challenge..." (translation: I'm broke); And according to Yahoo! Sports, apparently Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel knew of his players' violations a full eight months before the story broke and never reported it to the athletic department (tuns out that iconic sweater-vest is nothing more than a wife-beater).

In the latest news on the NFL CBA negotiations, Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson was candid in his comments conserrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Manny Ramirez showed up to the batting cage at 8am Sunday morning even after Rays manager Joe Maddon gave him the day off, further indicating to skeptics of his work ethic that so far his new poszzzzzzzzzz...

Making the biggest and most unexpected splash at the 2011 NFL combine was far and away Universssszzzz...

Today in the NBAzzzz...(screech!) Oh my God, I almost killed that pedestrian!!!

Last week I was shooting the breeze with a buddy of mine over several cold beverages of an adult nature about the lack of sports content lately. Finally I blurted out sarcastically (or so I thought), "Somebody get arrested already."

Ask, and ye shall receive.

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