Bill's Sports Binge: Bucs winning, Rays losing and Gruden likes Bush

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The Rays lose two in a row, the Bucs won two in a row, the Vikings are winless, the Cowboys are winless, hell even the Colts lost already. What next, a Mosque at Ground Zero? (oh Bill no, don't go there)

Rays rally-ragged. I love a good comeback, don't you? Rocky came back from the ropes and major brain damage to beat Ivan Drago, the Ewoks came back from a teddy-bear beat-down to destroy the Empire, Pedro came back to win the election for class president against that uppity bitch Summer Wheatley, the Delta House took the Omegas and that douchebag Dean Wormer, North Star beat Mohawk, Tri-Lams beat the Betas, Rockridge beat Hedy Lamarr (that's Hedley!), I could go on forever but it already seems like I did. The lesson here is that comebacks are exciting because they're quite unlikely, unexpected, and rarer than a Yankee fan with a diploma. So please Rays, for the love of God and our collective intestinal regularity, don't give the defending champs a 5 run lead in the first inning to make it interesting, m'kay?

Tickets still available for Sunday's battle of the unbeatens. The Bucs host the Steelers, their traveling fans (welcome to Tampa) and the vast assortment of local resident front-runner trash that litter the local sports bars around the Tampa Bay area (I'm looking at you, MacDill Beef O'Brady's. Never again will I spend a dime there). Both teams are 2-0 and the Bucs actually have a snowball-in-Tampa shot at an upset because the Pittsburgh rapist is still suspended and the Steelers' 2nd string quarterback is out as well with an injury suffered last Sunday against the Titans. Enter ex-Buccaneer super slow-mo QB Byron Leftwich or that guy who was a Detroit back-up in 1998, Charlie Batch. One thing is for certain; those yellow towels they swing around occasionally snapping my eyeball are just awful. They should call them the awful towels or something.

Gruden a Bush supporter. Monday Night Football analysts Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski evidently seized a slow moment in the Saints-49ers game to wax ignorantly about Reggie Bush's forfeiture of the Heisman trophy because of NCAA/Heisman violations in 2005 at USC.

Jaws: I think it's the wrong thing to do. He won the Heisman with his play on the field...When is the Heisman supposed to be an enforcement agency...he won the award, he should keep it.

Gruden: I agree with Ron on the Reggie Bush Heisman deal. I didn't like it at all...I'm surprised former winners haven't come to his defense.

Um, I'm not. Hey morons, he was not eligible to play football. He never should have been out there to begin with. Period. To let him keep it would be the same thing as driving drunk on the wrong way of a one-way street, being pulled over in your driveway and the cop letting you off the hook because you made it home.

Quicker Hits: Lightning beat the Dallas Stars 4-2 in their preseason opener (Puck yeah! Get it? Huh? Guys? Meh); NFL analyst Peter King who predicted a 2-14 season says he was wrong about the Bucs (Ahem. Uh, dude? There's still a chance you may be right. Just sayin);  The Tampa Bay Rowdies, who haven't won a game since May 29th, lost to Montreal 3-0 Sunday officially ending their chances to make the playoffs (If this doesn't just burn your bacon you clearly have what psychiatrists call, a life); The good folks at the Philadelphia Daily News thought it would be cute to name the front-page story of Michael Vick's promotion to 1st string, "Top Dog". So we're still supposed to be shocked by anything tasteless in Phili? That's funny, guys. And hey, if you think that's funny, how about I get a Pit Bull to rip off your nuts and gobble them right up? Then later after he poops them out? We put your digested poop-nuts in a paper bag, place the bag at your mother's front door, set the bag on fire, ring the door bell and watch your mom stomp your sack of burning nut-shit. Then we'll laugh and laugh as we tell her what it was and then punch her in the face for raising such an asshole.

Too dark? Tough. He tortured dogs. That's how serial killers get their start before they make it to the big show. Vick should be thankful that all he gets is our ridicule. Congratulations, Eagle fans. Your ability to root for this felon achieved what I thought was impossible. To be even more trailer-trash than I ever imagined.

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