Bill's Sports Binge Friday freeway: Blackout number five for Bucs, Gators and Cocks and dog rugby groupies

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You're over-caffeinated yet tired. Your back hurts, your eyelids are heavy and the boss was scheduled to blow out early but is still hanging around telling painfully unfunny jokes in another futile attempt to be one of the guys. All you can do is laugh uncomfortably until you fake a frantic phone call, side-step to the fax machine for an imaginary receipt, or grab your gut mumbling something about a bad chimichanga and haul-ass. So as not to interrupt the Friday flow, I'll keep it shallow, random and quick.

Gators host Cocks for the right to be pummeled in Atlanta. South Carolina heads to the Swamp for an unexpected winner-take-all showdown to represent the East for the SEC Championship game. One word. Lattimore. If Florida doesn't find a way to stop that man-child, Gator Nation will be hearing his name in their bourbon-fueled nightmares. Nobody thought Saturday would be one of the biggest games of the year for either team. What's more amazing? I managed to get through this paragraph without making a single cock joke.

Panthers at Bucs will once again fall in a forest and nobody outside Raymond James Stadium will hear it. For the 5th straight time, the game will be blacked out. The Panthers will be starting rookie quarterback Jimmy Clausen and will be without running-terrors Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams. Introducing, Mike Goodson. A 2009 4th round running back out of Texas A&M so hot, the St. Pete Times misspelled his name. Not to worry, Mikey. They'll get it right after you pop your NFL 100 yard cherry on Sunday. I can hear it now.

"They're not booing, ladies and gentlemen. They're just chanting, 'Ruuuuud.' Huh? Oh. Never mind. They are booing."

-Fox commentator you won't hear

Quicker Hits: John Guilland, A local lunatic was refused a restraining order against Tim Tebow in an Alachua county court. Says Guilland in a petition, "I was trespassed from the Kangaroo Gas Station on University for saying T-Bo sucks...I personally hate any type of exercise although I feel Billy Blanks has a wonderful video." (the answer is yes, John can cancel out your vote); Redskins running back and worst stand-up comedian since Michael Richards, Clinton Portis donned a Philadelphia Phillies hat at a press conference leading up to a game against the Eagles because it "matched his hoodie" (ghetto fabulous, Clinton. I guess if you win enough rings, you can act like a douche. Whoops); Anyone with cable apparently missed the Atlanta Falcons comeback against the Baltimore Ravens Thursday night because it was exclusively on the NFL Network (the good news? You also missed Joe Theisman and Matt Millen cover the game. Thanks, Brighthouse!); An Australian star rugby player quit the team after a picture surfaced of him in a sexual act with a dog. Yes, a dog. No, not an unattractive woman, a dog. Think the Urban Legend of the chick with the peanut butter minus the peanut butter. Or just a really affectionate and apologetic Michael Vick.

After you throw up from the doggie images, here's a bonus "debate" I had with Flip about Cam Newton and the subject of paying college athletes that just deteriorated into an argument. I sincerely apologize for the profanity and my incoherent blabbering that will no doubt be looked back as early signs of dementia.

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