Bill's Sports Binge Friday freeway: Tampa Bay Lightning strikes three, BJ & the Bulls and Favre's famous frank

Like a jack-rabbit on Cialis, it's time for your jack-hammer rapid fire Friday nuggets suitable for any and all water-cooler innocuous work-avoiding sports chatter.

But first - Could somebody please just deactivate the readers comments section beneath online articles in the Tribune already? I used to peruse them to try and gauge the community reaction and maybe steal a joke or two. Now it's just a combination of chat room ignorance, simplistic city-bashing, and graffiti not suited for a highway overpass. No wonder they bitch about blackouts. They never leave their homes.

Bulls lose two in a row. West Virginia is a pretty damn good football team and USF still kept the game within two scores in the Mountaineers' own home trailer park even when the Bull's offense couldn't score if they were, well, in a West Virginia trailer park. My humble half-assed hindsight? Skip Holtz has a real quarterback problem as he continues in his attempt to cram a Leavitt-leftover-BJ-Daniels square peg into a pocket-passer round hole. Many more interceptions to come until he's replaced. BJ, not Holtz; although the Leavitt-blowing hicks are out in full force in the comment section. Hey. Morons. Leavitt lost a few frustrating games too, remember? Of course you don't. Now get back to spitting on my burger.

Bucs game available to all (who pay for a ticket). Want to see the Saints game? You have choices. But like a broken-record, the entitlement crowd predictably and pathetically hit the airwaves with their gimmie gimmie gimmie because I'm an American rant.

"I'm a Bucs fan so I demand to see the game for free because I can't afford tickets."

Wah.

I'm a Monday Night Football fan but I can't afford cable so Brighthouse should make it free.

I love to go out to eat but it's so expensive so I really think Outback should enforce their no rules policy and give me free steak.

Have you seen the new Mercedes? I think it's only fair to give me one because I'm such a big fan and after all, they have plenty of money.

In this economy, doesn't this country owe us happiness? I mean, doesn't the Constitution state we have a right to life, liberty and free shit?

I'm endlessly mystified of how many people throw around the word economy without knowing  jack-squat about economics.

How would you feel if you sold a product that everybody loved so much that they stopped paying for it but demanded that you give it to them anyway? You're probably the same folks who bitch that you can't get a Schlitz with your food stamps. Funny, movie tickets are pretty expensive too but I'll bet you mental midgets pack the theaters to see Jackass, won't you? Doo-doo in 3D!

Lightning undefeated. That's right Floridians. Hockey season is officially up and running and the Boltz are 3-0 and looking good (and getting even better) under first year Head Coach Guy Boucher after grinding out a 3-2 victory over the Filth-adephia Flyers in the city of brotherly shove. Stud center Stephen Stamkos became the first in franchise history to score a goal in each of the first three games of the season and is guaranteed never to bitch about fans not showing up. How refreshing.

Quicker Hits: Jeremy Zuttah will make his first NFL start Sunday against the Saints in place of injured center Jeff Faine (Saints really love to blitz, Sunday they'll have a raging blitz-boner); Ole Miss has unveiled their new uber-politically correct mascot, the Rebel Black Bear, rendering racial tensions null and void, forcing Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton to get a real job and enraging the polar bear community for reverse discrimination; With both crappy qb's hurt, the Browns will start rookie Colt McCoy Sunday against the Steelers (um, nice knowing you Colt. Hope you have a primo insurance policy); Speaking of Steelers, Big Ben Rapist-burger will return this week after his 4-game suspension (dammit, already made a boner joke); Speaking of boners, Brett Favre had a pleasant diversion from the pain in his elbow during practice Wednesday when somebody tossed a football into his recently popular junk, sending him familiarly to the turf. His cock-and-balls plan to announce their retirement in an excusive interview with Jenn Sterger (Pictured left with yours truly in 2008. Not pictured: My frank'n'beans).

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