Bill's Sports Binge: Rays meatless meeting, Bolts bounce back and post-season possibilities

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Nothing in business is a more pointless, irrelevant, inconsequential (flipping through thesaurus) um, extraneous, and life-sucking waste of time than a bored boss desperate to justify the paycheck by essentially reading aloud the memo previously sent to you, point-by-point as it is written verbatim and offering no explanation or follow-up as to why it was necessary to read it aloud back to you. Then, just as you feel the pain may be coming to a merciful end?
"Does anybody have any questions?"
Please nobody say anything, please nobody say anything, please nobody say anything...
"Okay, well thanks a lot for your time everybo..."
"I have a quick question," invariably says the douche nobody likes, seizing the opportunity with a captive audience to ask questions that have absolutely no shred of general interest whatsoever.
"Yesterday, I was at a clients store for my monthly marketing and inventory visit, and this honey-badger walks in while I was in the middle of a product demo. What should I do, should I have stopped, should I continue or..."
By the time it's over, the cheap sandwiches are dry, the soda will be warm because the ice is melted, and the only thing you want to eat at this point anyway is a delicious bullet.


By the way, if you think no such person exists in your meetings, it's you. Here's some free advice. Whoever told you there are no stupid questions is a filthy liar who should be strung up by their infernal Buster Browns.


Case in point;


Tampa Bay Rays owner Stuart Sternberg had a meeting with stubborn crybaby St. Petersburg Mayor Bill Foster concerning the stadium troubles and was optimistic that the issue will be resolved even though, get this, IT CAME NO CLOSER TO A SOLUTION DURING SAID MEETING.


Longest...segue...ever.


Here are the minutes.
"We need a new stadium."
"You can't have one."
"Then we need to look elsewhere."
"We won't let you."

Who wants sandwiches?



Confusing Super Bowl rings with carbon rings, the Buccaneers have currently adjusted their head coaching interview process from old-and-busted to new-hotness, apparently setting up interviews with hard-ass Cinci defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer as well as Carolina OC Rob Chudzinski. ESPN also reports scheduled interviews with Green Bay offensive coordinator Joe Philbin and quarterbacks coach Tom Clements now that the Packers have joined the rest of us on the playoff couch (Whoa, Aaron! That dip is for everybody, Mr. Discount Double-chin). As the search continues, one thing is for certain. This story is making me sleepy.



If you're going to snap a seven-game losing streak, you may as well do it against the defending Stanley Cup Champions. The Tampa Bay Lightning gave the Bolt-faithful a treat Tuesday night by handing the Boston Bruins a 5-3 defeat at home and the Lightning's first victory in 2012.


"I told the players today that I didn't care about the score - I want fight," said Lightning coach Guy Boucher (admit it, you pronounce his first name like "eye" instead of "see" sometimes, don't you?)
Good guy, that Guy.
In a related story, smell that finger, Boston fans. You suck.



harbaughbros.jpg
Quicker Hits: There's a 3 in 4 chance that at least one Harbaugh will coach in the Super Bowl this year with the 49ers (Jim) and Ravens (John) both representing their conferences in the championship games this Sunday (has anyone trademarked Har-Bowl yet? Because that would totally be a T-shirt I would wear...once...under another shirt); Object of America's affection/rage Tim Tebow has been named the starter going into the Broncos 2012 season meaning he'll actually have an off-season to practice with the starters and grow (something haters conveniently forgot young quarterbacks are allowed to do...dicks); Finally, after a Peyton-free 2-14 season, the Colts fired head coach Jim Caldwell on Tuesday, leaving the fans in Indianapolis aimlessly wondering, "Who the hell is Jim Caldwell?"

Suffice it to say, I've had quite a few "careers" between beers in my 43 years on earth. From my first job delivering pizzas, to ditch-digging, video rental retail, car sales, paper sales, selling security systems door-to-door (ironically having an elderly neighbor call the cops to report a suspicious character in khakis roaming the neighborhood), to the corporate world of IBM, GTE and Kodak to name a few (seriously, if I fax you my unedited resume, your machine will smell like a tire-fire, your secretary will slip a disc and the term "forest" will be nothing more than the name of that kid whose head you stuck in the toilet in junior high). Where the hell was I? Oh, right. The point. But there's one thing I've learned that is the eternal social-economic equalizer shared by any and all forms of employment.

Meetings suck.

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