Rollercoaster Rays rolling again. The question marks are becoming cautiously optimistic exclamation points as the Rays sweep the Rangers with a total of 22 where-have-you-been-all-my-life runs, they're now (broken record alert) tied with the damn Yankees with the best record in the division, the league, and the whole sport, and we're gay for Evan Longoria again. What, I'm very particular. I don't just hand out man-crushes like sausage samples at the food court (snap, snap). The Rays head for the West Coast for a 4-game series against the A's of picturesque Oakland. I can already smell the hot garbage. First pitch is at 10:05 tonight so I'll probably be drunk sleeping by game's end.
Three strikes and you're out (of your mind). USF Linebacker Sam Barrington is in jail for driving without a license after failing to show up for a court date for another violation of driving with a suspended license in July, for which he was arrested another time last year. Or something. Two things you can take away from this story. Number one? Sam Barrington is dumber than a bag of hammers. And two? Since Head Coach Skip Holtz said he doesn't think Sam is a bad person, that means he's really, really good.
Quicker Hits: Ex-Buc, Eagle, Raider, Lion, Brown, 49er, Stampeder (Stampeder?) quarterback Jeff Garcia has landed a job playing for shit-canned ex-Buc offensive coordinator Jeff Jagogin-, Jagodonky, Jago-whatever his name is for the UFL Nighthawks of Omaha (sound of party kazoo). Two more teams and he gets a set of steak knives; Titans running back (Jagodzinski! That's who it is. Whew, that would have bothered me all night). Excuse me, Titans running back LaGarrett Blount, the player who sucker punched a Boise State defensive end koo-koo last year when he was with Oregon, punched a teammate in practice Wednesday night (careful kid, only 72 more chances before the commish flies down for a good talking to); and Bessemer (Alabama) mayoral candidate Dorothy Davidson photoshopped herself (badly) over the wife of Nick Saban in a photo with the Tide coach on a golf course to try and pass it off as an endorsement of her candidacy in a flyer. She originally denied the claim (see: lied) until the original photo was stuffed in her face. See both the doctored and the original photos respectively below. Would it fool you?
I don't see why it's so hard to believe. I'm endorsed by Justin Bieber. We're like total BFF's. See?