Dirty Talk: Infamous Quotes on Sex and Love

An expanding list of funny, irreverent, truthful, and memorable quotes on sex, love, and everything in between.

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Garrison Keillor: “A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.”

Helen Keller: "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."

Helen Keller: “As selfishness and complaint pervert and cloud the mind, so sex with its joy clears and sharpens the vision.”

Florence King: “In the South, Sunday morning sex is accompanied by church bells.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.: "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

Stephen King: “To his way of thinking, the only thing more natural than death was sex.”

Jarod Kintz: “If sex were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.”

Jarod Kintz: “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”

Jarod Kintz: “She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to.”

Jarod Kintz: “Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap.”

Jarod Kintz: "Sex and violence: the greatest duo since the Three Stooges.”

Jarod Kintz: “It’s been said that men think only about sex and food. And some men, like my uncle Lester, think about sex with food. Needless to say the church has ordered him to cease bringing his own food to the potlucks.”

Jarod Kintz: “When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!”

Jarod Kintz: “In a depression, attendance to sporting events goes down, while the percentage of people fornicating goes up, because sex is free. I know, some of you are probably thinking, Free! Where do I find those hookers?!”

Jarod Kintz: “I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town.”

Jarod Kintz: “She asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I replied, “With you, or in general?”

Jarod Kintz: “One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at has blurred features and therefore is as beautiful as an impressionistic painting?

Jarod Kintz: “I don't want to be tied down in a relationship, I want to be tied down during sex.”

Jarod Kintz: “Sex, like business, is better with multiple partners.”

Lisa Kleypas: “Alone-sex didn't count. It's like the difference between thinking to yourself or having a good conversation with someone——the pleasure is in the exchange."

Milan Kundera: “The religion of orgasm: utilitarianism projected into sex life; efficiency versus indolence; coition reduced to an obstacle to be got past as quickly as possible in order to reach an ecstatic explosion, the only true goal of love-making and of the universe.”

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