Dirty Talk: Infamous Quotes on Sex and Love

An expanding list of funny, irreverent, truthful, and memorable quotes on sex, love, and everything in between.

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John Callahan: “Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.”

Joseph Campbell: "Love is a friendship set to music."

Truman Capote: “The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.”

George Carlin: “If God had intended us not to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter.”

George Carlin: “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

George Carlin: “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

Johnny Carson: “I was so naïve as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”

Judy Carter: “Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole.”

Barbara Cartland: “Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.”

Terri Cheney: “...manic sex isn't really intercourse. It's dicourse, just another way to ease the insatiable need for contact and communication. In place of words, I simply spoke with my skin.”

Gilbert K. Chesterton: "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."

Sabrina Childress: “Perhaps I was hosting my own personal sexual revolution. You know the kind that will not be televised.”

Sacha Baron Cohen: “Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships.”

Alex Comfort: "We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition."

David Cort: “Sex is the great amateur art.”

Catherine Coulter: “You know, a cell phone's like a guy; if you don't plug him in every night, charge him good, you got nothing at all.”

Sloane Crosley: “Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?”

Billy Crystal: “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place”

Anne Cumming: “Sex is a short cut to everything.”

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