Adventures in Weekending: I hate craft beer (but I love Spaghetti-Os)

Hooray beer — just not craft beer. Mostly.

I'm a Bud Light Lime girl, and I am not ashamed.

What I don't like? Craft beer. At least, not craft beer for craft beer's sake. Saint Somewhere's Pays Du Soleil? Smells like suntan lotion, so yes, please. In South Carolina, I get lowcountry crazy for Holy City's Pluff Mud Porter (served only in South Carolina and my kitchen), and I once had a Puppy's Breath Porter at Community Cafe, but I can't find that anymore.

Beyond that, though, give me a Bud Light Lime or Corona Light any day of the week. I had the owner of a St. Pete craft beer bar (that just so happens to be closing) tell me I was "uneducated" because of this. Meh. I like Spaghetti-Os and Bagel Bites, too, and I binge-watch Frasier reruns to fall asleep. It's about owning your shit, OK?

Call me unrefined. Call me a reverse snob (as my editor once did, and probably still does, under his breath). Call me an asshole. I'm OK with that. Craft beer for craft beer's sake? Not OK with that.

Speaking of, our weekend has its share of craft beer. Go out there and break yourself off a piece, and hey, bonus points if you can order a Bud Light Lime at any of these events. I've arbitrarily assigned them a number as to how likely it is you will find non-craft beer at the event (the Bud Light Lime factor)

Karla Hartley's the talent driving Stageworks, plus she's in 5 Lesbians Eating a Quiche. I bet she would drink a BLL with me. BLL score: 10

Looking for Florida-related art that isn't a heaping pile of sunsets and beach paintings? Look no further than Orange State at the Morean. Bonus: the Banyan Cafe, next door, serves a mean breakfast burrito. BLL score: 5. Florida score: 10.

The Leepa Rattner and Replay Amusement partnered for the Youth Gone Wild: The Art and History of Pinball exhibit. Art where you can play pinball? Um, yes, please. Plus, I feel as though Budweiser products should be the official drink of pinball. BLL score: 10, but 0 (they don't allow any beverages on-site)

Help an elderly lady avoid code enforcement fines on her home with a Gulfport Neighbors yard cleanup. Please don't ask the nice lady for beer. BLL score: 0 during but 10 after the event. It's Gulfport, after all.

Local artist Matthew Drennan Wicks has a solo show: Rose Flavored opens Saturday night at Tempus Projects. Cool local art. Afterwards you can hang with the artist at the Mermaid TavernBLL score: 0. Mermaid score: 10.

Head to the MFA's Beer + Art Lounge exhibit and tasting. BLL score: 0; seriously, if you order a Bud Light Lime here, take a video before they kick you out. 

Take a Watershed Walkabout Saturday morning at Boyd Hill Nature Preserve. BLL score: 0, but only 'cause it's a city park. Environmental responsibility score: 10.

Cage Brewing's St. Pete Queer Craft Brews looks promising. No, I don't like craft beer, but I love octopi and equality, and it's Pride month, so they get points. Plus, who knows? They may have a dark beer I love. BLL score: 0. Octopus score: 10.


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