Gods, lanterns, aliens and barbarians... ah, summer!

We have yet another onslaught of Hollywood trying to give us what our little geek hearts waited years and years for. This summer we will see silver screen renditions of X-Men, Captain America, Thor, Cowboys and Aliens, Priest and Conan the Barbarian. Yeah, that's a lot. Hollywood knows that geeks will pay to see their heroes up in lights, and as true to life as possible without ripping holes in time and space.


The first is X-Men First Class which is a prequel. We get to see Xavier, and Magneto as young men, presumably to show us the falling out the two had, and Magneto's descent into his most of the time occupation, evil. Personally, I'll watch it, but they've already taken far too many liberties with my favorite comic for me to think it anything more than another '80s action movie with good CGI and rebranded for the nerds. If this one has a soul, I will serve myself these words with a nice Chianti. That said, the fans of the movies only will (and I'm speculating) eat it up as fast as the popcorn can flow.


Next up, are Marvel's other babies, and build ups to the real dream of Marvel, The Avengers. Thor and Captain America should be the screen stealers this summer. Thor is directed by (if you're a Shakespeare movie fan, you don't need this build up) Kenneth Branagh. That alone gives me hope that this will be more than an action flick. And the Captain should just be awesome despite his goody little two shoes. He is delightfully jingoistic, as would be expected. It almost brings to mind e.e. Cumming's poem I Sing of Olaf Big and Glad. Watch these two whether you're a nerd or not, as they will at least give you some background for the upcoming epic flick The Avengers. And remember that Iron Man will be part of that team too.


Cowboys and Aliens is a whole other beast. This is pure unadulterated fun. The book is exactly what you think it would be, two of your favorite '50s TV and movie elements rolled into one. It's more serious than say Mars Attacks, but it's no less fun. Now the name dropping here is deep. It stars Olivia Wilde, Daniel Craig (007), Harrison Ford (as if we need to mention Han and Indiana), and Sam Rockwell (Hitchhiker's Guide alum). Directed by Jon Favreau (directed both Iron Man movies), and produced by a lot of people two of which need mentioning are Steven Spielberg and Ron Howard. If this one doesn't shine, I will kiss all my geek cred goodbye.


Priest, I just don't know about. It looks like another Underworld which I refused to see for a long time, and when I did, my predictions were proven correct. Some of my friends say the comic was good, but the visuals look terminally Underworld. I give this one a big fat meh. If this one has a bright spot, its that the vampires don't sparkle.


Conan the Barbarian, who all of us know as the former governor from California is about to be known as formerly Conan the Barbarian. I used to love to read Conan, and the old art by Frank Franzetta. The movie was just alright, however, given new effects this may be one classic they can actually breathe new life into. The trailer tells us little, but by giddy little inner kid says we'll probably waste the $9 to see this one too. If they clean up the violence, I will picket the movie studio. Conan is a brutal brutal man, but this new one in my honest opinion is a little too pretty. Oh and did I mention tentacle porn, yeah, you'll wanna see that one.


This last one is where I make my confession. I know virtually nothing about Green Lantern. This one is being billed as the one comic movie that you can take your kids too. I think that translates into Superman style goody little two shoes. I'm not excited, unless they let him go berserk like he did in one of the very few GL books I read. Make up your own mind here, cause I'm confused. The trailer looks cool, if you ignore Ryan Reynolds pretty boyishness. He makes a good Deadpool, but only because his mouth is sewn shut through a good chunk of the film.

click to enlarge Mjolnir - Marvel
Marvel
Mjolnir

Mjolnir

I don't know about any of you, but I was one of those kids you probably tripped over in junior high, because I had the mutant ability to become invisible. Or at least that is how it played out in my imagination. I was always lost in my head dreaming of interstellar or extra-dimensional travel, or flying, or just about anything I'd read about in the beloved monthly installments of the likes of Batman, The X-Men, The Sandman, among others. My little brother and I would sit and stare out into space dreaming that someday they would all be real, or at least become movies. This summer as an adult, I watch trailers to see if they meet up with my adolescent expectations.

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