This week has been chock-full-o-dramatics. The land of pop culture has blessed me with a gift, a gift of more news than I can possibly cover, and they even delivered it in a sparkly package tied up with a ginormous bow in the shape of Conan's lovely locks. So sit back, relax, put on your pop-culture-cap (no idea what that is) and prepare yourself for a very special edition of It Happened This Week-ish.**
*Nothing starts out the week right like learning that Channing Tatum basically burned off a decent chunk of Little Channing (Little Channing being his penis, for those of you who aren't as smart as I am). Yeah, let that sink in cuz there's one more thing. Ready? He has the pictures to prove it. Cue "ew"s….Now.
*Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox are on the Engagement Train (File that away in "Things That Should Exist.") At least that is what Brian Austin Green is telling his Twitter followers. Further proof that if Megan Fox is marrying a guy who is a solid five points under her on the "hottness scale," all average-looking girls are doomed to be with some dude who looks like Seth Rogen before he lost all that weight.**
*Tiger Woods reportedly spent his post-blowout-with-Elin days sleeping on an air mattress and drinking Bud Light. Bud Light?! Really, Tiger? C'mon, you couldn't even get an import or a decent microbrew up in there? NOW, I think he's just a classless douche.
*American Idol premiered this week. Wooooooooooooooo! The first night in Boston was a snore, as I expected from the city with dull claims to fame like Ivy League colleges (lame) and a famous tea party that had nothing to do with drinking tea or taking hallucinogens (double lame). Atlanta on the other hand was nothing short of magical. A country girl who finally gets to ride on an "aeroplane," BFFs separated like Siamese twins ripped apart with no anesthetic to ease the pain and of course, former civil rights activist and internet sensation of the year, nay, the decade, General Larry Platt. Take his advice and get your pants off the ground (video after the jump).
Also after the jump: Best Week Ever is having the worst week ever, Heidi Montag or tupperware?, Conan vs. The Man and much, much more.
This article appears in Jan 13-19, 2010.