It happened this week-ish: Sexual napalm, Tina Fey as a mouse, MTV minus music, RPatz hates ladyparts and more...

[image-1]*Megan Fox never fails to amaze and seduce with softcore porn photographs. Armani never fails to amaze and seduce with softcore porn ads. This marriage was inevitable.

*MTV has officially chosen the path of reality programming aimed at wannabeslutty teens and stoned college students and removed "Music Television" from their logo. This begs the question: What does the "M" stand for now? Meaningless? Moronic? Mindless? Minor-Corrupting? Menial? Miscreant? Mcrap? Sooooo many options, sooooo little on-screen intelligence.

*From the looks of these pictures, Team Edward is made up of some very fit and very scantily/non-clad models, but Robert Pattinson is claiming a vagina allergy or a Vagallergy, if you want to be all science-y about it. Medical jargon aside... is RPatz into dudes? Or does he just prefer to cuddle with girls while they leave their panties on? I don't really care, I have a thing for gay dudes and I'm also into cuddling. I may have to switch my loyalties from John Mayer to Robert Pattinson if the media gods keep giving me articles like that one (more pics at the end of the post, again NSFW).

*One Twilight Hottie McTottie (what? I know, that sounds weird, I don't know why I say things like that) might have an aversion to ladies' secret gardens, but the other is finally legal to do a lil something-something with them. Yeah, I said it. Happy Birthday Taylor, I'm not really into werewolfing but I am ok with your sexy no-longer-a-minor-bod.




*Headline of the week, thanks to US Weekly: Heidi Montag: I Like My New Chin Best. I want to preface this by saying, I'm not even into boobs, like at all, but I can tell you right now, no one is looking at your chin, Heidi.

*Did you hear that thing about how John Mayer is a racist and told the whole world that Jessica Simpson is the chemical weapon of sexytime? No? Understandable because it was pretty under-the-radar, as far as news stories go. It happened this week-ish, though, so I guess I should mention it. He apologized at a concert, so we are all cool now, right? Let's go back to hating Jon Gosselin like true Americans.

*My hero and brunette doppelganger, Tina Fey, is Vogue-ing it up this month but my insane jealousy of her has just dampened a bit. She's donning a pair of Mickey Mouse ears for the photo shoot. Really Tina, really? This feels more like a Liz Lemon bit than a legit, Tina move. Or just some sort of creepy fetish piece about guys who get turned on by cartoon mice. Ew.

*In a related story, click here for your belated Valentine's Day wish from yours truly, nerds.

After the jump, RPatz and a naked lady (pics NSFW), Megan Fox in very little Armani and goodbye music, you will be missed....


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