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It Happened This Week-ish: Winehouse assaults Cinderella, Charlie Sheen spends Xmas in jail, Tila Tequila: bisexual and incestuous? and more...

By Amanda Allwood on Mon, Dec 28, 2009 at 9:30 am

*Alyssa Milano Hates Jersey Shore...well, Alyssa Milano, if the cast of Jersey Shore were old enough to know who you are, they'd probably hate you too.

*If all you wanted for Christmas was an eyeful of Alec Baldwin's luscious buns, then you are going to be very very disappointed.

*Tiger Woods' boat has been docked in Palm Beach all week. Rachel Uchitel has been in Palm Beach all week. Rachel Uchitel also claims to have had an affair with David Boreanaz (news broke in October but a whole lot of no one cared). Tiger Woods isn't talking to the press. Rachel Uchitel is talking to everyone. Tiger Woods may be a cheater, but Rachel Uchitel seems to a be a homewrecking famewhore. And for those of you who are visual learners, fear not, I have assembled a photographic montage for clarification.

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*Tila Tequila, the most famous person to come out of MySpace, is maybe, possibly, pregnant with her brother's baby...or her baby, that she is giving to her brother...or maybe no baby because she's into chicks for sure now. Yep, this week, that was news.

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*Anytime I see the words Amy Winehouse, Cinderella, assault and bitches, I know it's gonna be good. What is it with this girl? She gets new boobies and assumes that she can just go around yelling during a children's performance of Cinderella and bleeding all over cast members?! Bitch.

*I love a good trainwreck and Brit-Brit rarely disappoints. So if you're bored at work this week, your boss is out of the office and you need some entertainment to get through the next few days, here is the best waste of time I've seen in minutes, the TOP 75 BULLS#!T Britney Spears stories reported in the media this year. My fave is number 63...because I, too, hate it when my breasts run away. The police really don't take you seriously when you want to put out an amber alert for missing boobs.

*Tip of the Week: Bring heroin to your court hearing. Brought to you by Pete Doherty.

*Charlie Sheen was arrested on Christmas Day in a domestic dispute, which apparently involved him threatening his wife with a weapon. I was hoping it was some sort of Christmas ham or hardened baked goods, cuz that would be funny. It was a knife, that is not at all funny.