11:20 p.m.: Doesn't Best Director usually come after the acting awards? Whoa, crazy change-up Oscars!
11:15 p.m.: Anyone rethinking their tie-breaker, "What time will the show end?" answer?
11:11 p.m.: But first, let's say good bye to some old friends
11:08 p.m.: Ok, time for the home stretch. Only major awards left. Someone is about to win dinner and a movie.
11:08 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film goes to
Departures. I'm kind of surprised Waltz With Bashir was shut out.
11:07 p.m.: Best Foreign Language Film is up next. Please bear with me as I attempt to correctly spell the name of the winner.
11:02 p.m.: Incidentally, Alicia Keys gets my vote for Queen of the Oscar ball. She looked incredible.
11:01 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Original Song goes to
"Jai Ho" from Slumdog Millionaire.
10:55 p.m.: More singing, and probably another award for Slumdog. Would the Academy really still give an award to Peter Gabriel after he snubbed them in protest?
10:54 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Original Score goes to
Slumdog Millionaire. The sweep may really be on for Slumdog.
10:50 p.m.: I smell a musical number
10:46 p.m.: I suddenly feel dirty for all the Jerry Lewis jokes I was just thinking up in my head. Sorry Jerry.
10:44 p.m.: Best Oscar kiss: Eddie Murphy's peck on Jerry Lewis' cheek.
10:41 p.m.: Jean Hersholt Award = Fake Oscar.
10:36 p.m.: Did the announcer-lady really just say a "tribute to Jerry Lewis" was still to come? Must we grind the whole show to a halt yet again?
10:35 p.m.: The last of the post production awards, the Oscar for Best Film Editing goes to
Chris Dickens for Slumdog Millionaire.
10:31 p.m.: Man, these sound awards are compelling. And the Oscar for Best Sound Editing goes to
Slumdog Millionaire. That's a bit of an upset. Could this mean good things are about to happen for Slumdog?
10:29 p.m.: I hear the Oscar for Best Sound editing went to The Dark Knight's Richard King.
10:27 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Visual Effects goes to
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Remember what I said earlier about Dark Knight and Benjamin Button? Score another one for old Ben.
10:23 p.m.: How will I ever contain my excitement for the post production awards?
10:20 p.m.: Oscar contest update: Not much movement from last time. The number of people who got both Penelope Cruz and Heath Ledger stands at 38. Four awards to go for the contest. Good luck everyone.
10:18 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Documentary Short Film goes to
Smile Pinki. The Academy rates this winner so high they seated her in the fucking lobby. The poor woman had to run to the stage.
10:15 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Documentary goes to
Man on Wire.
10:07 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor goes to
Heath Ledger. The only true lock of the night. Well deserved, too.
10:03 p.m.: Finally, we get to Best Supporting Actor. This show is going to go until 1 a.m.
10:00 p.m.: It has now been 25 minutes since an award was handed out. I thought this was an awards show. The producers, knowing that the audience wants to be entertained, fails to realize that the audience is entertained by the giving out of awards! But gee, thanks Baz for that stirring number.
9:52 p.m.: I smell a musical number
9:48 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Short Film goes to
Toyland. That's the English translation. If you think I can spell the actual title of this film, you are sadly mistaken.
9:45 p.m.: Pineapple Express skit actually funnier than Pineapple Express.
9:38 p.m.: What happened to Best Supporting Actor? Did I doze off or something?
9:35 p.m.: Stiller wandering the set is pretty funny. And the Oscar for Best Cinematography goes to
Anthony Dod Mantle for Slumdog Millionaire.
9:32 p.m.: First Joaquin Phoenix joke of the evening.
9:28 p.m.: That Twilight kid is painful to watch
and now we get another montage. This is what people mean when they bitch about how the show is too long and badly paced. Please get back to giving out awards!
9:24 p.m.: Benjamin Button wins for Best Makeup. I get the sense Button will split the technical awards with The Dark Knight, only to get spanked by Slumdog in the major categories.
9:23 p.m.: Moving on to an award for makeup. And the
9:20 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Costume Design goes to
Michael O'Connor for The Duchess.
9:17 p.m.: And so begins the long slog through awards that aren't all that exciting. Let's start with Art Direction. And the Oscar goes to
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. So, Slumdog, Milk and now Button all have an award. No clean sweep so far for anyone.
9:10 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Animated Short Film goes to
Les Maisons Petits Cubes. Yeah, I have no idea either.
9:06 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Animated Feature Film goes to
Wall-E. Not much of a surprise, as Pixar's dominance continues.
9:04 p.m.: Oscar contest update: We had 62 entries total. Of those 62, 39 correctly guessed Penelope Cruz as the winner of Best Supporting Actress. Those who missed, don't fret. It's still very early.
9:00 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay goes to: Simon Beaufoy, Slumdog Millionaire. An early sign that Slumdog will have a big night or a consolation prize?
8:57 p.m.: And the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay goes to
Dustin Lance Black for Milk. An early sign that Milk will have a big night or a consolation prize?
8:56 p.m.: Steve Martin and Tina Fey should have hosted this show! Someone should be fired over this oversight.
8:47 p.m.: And the Oscar goes to: Penelope Cruz!
8:44 p.m.: And here are the nominees for Best Supporting Actress
after five past winners each read a line
8:40 p.m.: Jackman claims he's "contractually obligated" to mention Brangelina five times. Ends with, "That's one." I'm keeping track, Hugh.
8:36 p.m.: Anne Hathaway as Richard Nixon, followed by Jackman cracking up during The Reader segment of the opening number. Loose but funny.
8:28 p.m.: Last commercial break before the show begins. You think Hugh Jackman is nervous?
8:24 p.m.: Marisa Tomei may look even hotter than she did when she won for My Cousin Vinny. It's really kind of a shame she's going to lose to P-Cruz.
8:15 p.m.: Miley Cyrus arrives wearing an aluminum Christmas tree as a dress.
8:11 p.m.: ABC-Guy to Mickey Rourke: "Who are you wearing?" Mickey Rourke to ABC-Guy: "Take a guess."
8:07 p.m.: You in the Oscar contest yet? If not, click here and give me your picks. There's still a good 23 minutes to enter.
8:04 p.m.: Sarah Jessica Parker's chrome-plated cleavage sure is shinny. Matthew Broderick is going to go blind tonight.
8:00 p.m.: The ABC Oscar coverage kicks in right about now. I will continue the 2009 Soup Awards on E!, as they seem too good to pass up.
7:53 p.m.: Kate Winslet is the latest star to be upstaged on E! by an overhead shot of a beaming Brangelina working the red carpet. Followed by Kate being confronted with her mug on the cover of Time.
7:46 p.m.: For the record, jumping between E! and the TV Guide channel causes a bizarre sense of déjà vu. Everything is the same except the talking heads and the camera angle.
7:42 p.m.: Penelope Cruz being interviewed on E! as Brangelina shows up in a split-screen. That's a lot of star power for one screen.
7:28 p.m.: Barbara Walters currently profiling Mickey Rourke on her Oscar special on ABC. Just played the "I'm an old broken down piece of meat" clip from The Wrestler. Is it just me, or is this quote already borderline hilarious due to overplay?
7:10 p.m.: We're on the air. It's dresses galore on E!, including a John Madden-esque "Glamastrator." I can't wait for the super slow-mo shots of stars getting dizzy from endless flashbulbs.