My Moment of Weakness

I felt so dirty, like how Miley’s twenty-year old boyfriend must feel when he makes her do a striptease. I vowed to never again to give in to the ways of another oversexed, attention whore, but then an episode of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF came on.

[image-1]I was so horribly disturbed and embarrassed that I couldn’t even change the channel. I’ve never seen such nonsense on television before. The Simple Life is a five-star show compared to this steamy pile of garbage. Paris has really topped herself this time. It is like she thought, “Let’s combine the obnoxiousness of Flavor of Love and the pathetic, vomit-inducing “drama” of The Hills.” MTV, have you no shame? The Hills, Laguna Beach, and that clusterfuck, known as A Shot at Love, weren’t enough for you? MTV is the Jerry Springer of television channels. All they have to do now is throw in some obese women in bikinis fighting over a white guy in a silk pimp outfit, screaming, “Oh no honey, that’s my baby’s daddy.” MTV must be shut down for the sake of human existence. Everyone thinks it’s global warming killing the polar bears in the arctic. You are wrong. It’s MTV.

And can we talk about the group of slimeballs called the contestants? These are the kinds of people you’d find in Dante’s ninth circle of hell. They deserve to have their heads eternally chewed by Lucifer (Thanks Freshman Lit!). Their giant sunglasses and four tons of makeup only accentuate their stupidity and desperation. You can’t get lower than vying for Paris Hilton’s approval. That is almost worse than vying to be O.J. Simpson’s wife. This show is a phenomenon, a freak of nature. And it is, by a good distance, my most disturbing moment of weakness. Although the people are awful, I will continue watching to feel better about myself. This will be my fix until American Idol comes back and I can boost my dignity by watching delirious, tone deaf people crash and burn.

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