Oracle of Ybor: Trying to buy a 'goddamn affordable' house in Tampa Bay, and seeking long-term relationships

You did not survive a plague to settle for some schmuck.

click to enlarge Oracle of Ybor: Trying to buy a 'goddamn affordable' house in Tampa Bay, and seeking long-term relationships
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Dear Oracle, 

 I’ve been thinking about my relationships a lot lately. A couple of weeks ago, I broke up with someone who I had been dating for six months, and it was one of the longest relationships I’ve been in. While I’m getting over that guy (looking back, he was kind of a narcissist), I did like being in a relationship that felt like it was building to something more serious. 

 I’ve had shorter relationships, but those didn’t last because either I’ll be ready to work on issues, but the dude doesn’t, so he breaks up with me, or I’d get fed up and think, “I’ll just be single, I’m good at that!” And then be single for a while before starting the process over again. 

All of my friends have had long-term relationships. A few of them had been dating since college and have gotten married and have kids or were with their current and past partners for four or five years. I don’t really want to be whinny and ask, “but why not me?” but…why not me? 

--Seriously ready for serious.

Cards: Ten of Wands, Hanged Man reversed, Six of Wands, Ten of Cups

Dear Serious,

I hope you’re honest with yourself about how much this is bothering you. There is a bit of self-deprecation, and a touch of cynicism to your letter that I hope comes from writing in to an advice column and not how you actually view your situation.

When I was shuffling, the first card that came out of the deck was the Ten of Wands, which is shouldering a heavy load. The worry is something that is getting you down in a big way, and that might feel silly or childish to admit, but it’s not. There’s nothing weak or wrong with wanting companionship.

Funny enough, I had a similar question last week and pulled the same first card: The Hanged Man reversed. Like I told Thirty, this is a pattern and an issue that’s been bothering you for years. But that card can also be cynical. The Hanged Man is a card of surrender, which means it can be a chill “whatever happens, happens” attitude, or it can be a negative spiral of “nothing will change, it’ll never happen” that discourages you.

But, like I said last week, The Hanged Man is only tied by one foot. These bonds can break! And in Post Pandemic world, things are looking up.

The next card we have is the Six of Wands, which is the celebration after war. We are in our own little war now, but I do believe things will change on the other side. I think many people have spent this past year really thinking about what they value and want out of life, and I think once it’s safe to do so, people will be celebrating the hell out of existence.

Specifically, I think there are going to be a TON of parties, and I think you should go to them. There’s something about your letter that makes me feel like you really light up when surrounded by people who are having a good time. That might bring out the best in you. So shine your star around while having a good time.

Also, when it comes to suitors, perhaps avoid both narcissists and cynics. First, because they’re boring; second, because I think you can meet someone who’s sincere and wants the same things you do.

The last card we have in the spread is the Ten of Cups, the love story’s completion. This is a getting-what-you-actually-want-from-a-relationship card, whether that’s marriage and kids like your friends or a serious, fulfilling relationship with someone who’s ready to work on things.

And, to paraphrase what I said last week, don’t tolerate an asshole. You did not survive a plague to settle for some schmuck.

Dear Oracle, 

My fiancé and I are currently in the process of trying to buy a house. It is, without a doubt, the most stressful, anxiety-inducing, and frustrating experience I have ever had. 

Do the cards have any insight on this? Is this going to get better? Will this just suck the whole time? Will we ever find a goddamn affordable house in Tampa Bay? 

-FHA or FUCKED?

Cards: Two of Cups, Nine of Cups, Six of Swords

Follow @theyboracle on Instagram. DM your questions or send them to [email protected] (SUBJ: ORACLE)

Dear FHO,

Here’s some advice that I am personally awful at taking: try not to let your emotions cloud your decision. This is a big, expensive decision, and you’re going to have to protect your heart and try not to fall in love until the keys are in your hand. 

We have both the Two of Cups, the first spark of love/infatuation, and the Nine of Cups, the element of fantasy, at play here. If looking at Zillow is not an exercise in infatuation and fantasy, I don’t know what is. SNL even did a parody about it.

You see a house, and your heart skips a beat. Maybe it’s a bungalow in Seminole Height; maybe it’s a condo right on Central. You click through photos, and oh, the potential.  That room can become a study, that a nursery. You book a tour, and you are in fantasyland. Maybe you’ll drop $200 on a gallon of Hauge Blue for the kitchen cabinets. Is that crazy? Who cares! That HGTV train is leaving the station, baby, and you’re on it!

That is until the inspection report comes in and you find out part of the roof is missing. Or you get outbid by thousands. Or the bank rejects you.        

The Six of Swords is here to pop that fantasy bubble and bring in that clear head. Six of Swords represents a rite of passage, which buying a house certainly is. But swords are the suit of the mind. You have some mental baggage that will come with the decision—like mortgage payments and finding an insurance broker—so it’ll be essential to keep things as grounded as possible.

Of course, you should still like your house. It’s depressing to live somewhere you hate but also realize what you actually need out of your home (location, number of rooms, etc.) versus what you fantasize about.

I’m sorry this is so stressful. I don’t know anything about the real estate market, really, but the Internet says the bubble might pop soon? Whatever happens, I hope you and your fiancé can find a home together.

Best of luck!

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