UNDERWORLD (R) This obsessively chic and pathetically shallow multi-zillion dollar FX epic turns out to be infinitely more boring than even the most run-of-the-mill horror cheapie. The story is simple but framed in such a gratuitously showy way as to make it nearly incoherent — it's basically Romeo and Juliet "updated" in the form of two star-crossed members of warring vampire and werewolf clans. The movie's style is omnipresent and overbearing, a mishmash of shamelessly lifted bits from The Matrix, Blade Runner and Blade. Underworld is alternately turgid, pretentious, annoying, and not nearly as entertaining as a halfway decent episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Stars Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman. —Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted.