Project Runway Recap: If Models Ruled the World

Only a few episodes in and already, the inevitable call home to the family, convincing us to like someone we do not like currently, due to their past jerkiness/bitchiness. This time the star of the charade is Epperson, Grade-A jerkface from last week and an unimpressive designer thus far. Now, this could end one of two ways. Option 1: He is getting the axe and they want us to get emotionally attached to his story before they pull out our heartstrings and throw them from that runway one by one with the sound of his adorable children's voices playing in the back of our heads. Option 2: He is going to kick a whole lot of ass and they want us to be happy for him and his adorable little children who he loves so much they cause him to burst into tears not once, but twice. Only time will tell...time being the next 30 minutes or so thanks to the magic of television.

Based upon personality alone, Nicolas "The Feather Prince" Putvinski is by far my new favorite designer. He is saucy and fab and I heart him. Also, his clothes are pretty snazzy, but you know what isn't snazzy? A lot of these looks. I am actually nervous for them before they hit the runway. In fact, I have finished half a can of Pringles in anticipation, which is a GREAT idea when watching stick-thin models prance around your television set (insert sarcastic look here).

And...welcome to the runway.

Michael Kors is still MIA and I am still pissed about this. Did he get kicked off the show and no one informed me?! This is total crap.

[image-1]Okay, gotta move on, I have 13 designers to make fun of and I cannot let the absence of my favorite judge distract me. On the runway these ladies look WAY more put together. Well, most of them do. Dishonorable mention goes to Gordana, who I still think is skating through based on the fact that no one can understand what the eff she is saying. Honorable mention goes to Ra'mon for the best use of a fabric flower-like embellishment (pictured left) big enough to both frighten and eat a small child. Despite the fact that I think Gordana should get auf'ed ASAP, I am in almost complete agreement with the bests and worsts. Johnny's makes that poor girl look like a size 4, easy (can you say chubster? ew) and Qristyl is just the worst, she brings nothing to the table, at all.

The top three were Epperson (what did I say about that family call?! I am always right, never doubt me), Carol Hannah and Althea. Strong choices in my opinion. Although Heidi is right, someone get Epperson a Maidenform, stat. I am really getting partial to the blondies on this show, not just because we share a love of bleach and not just because I feel bad for being a royal be-otch about both of them in my prediction post, but because those chicks can design. Way to go ladies, you make our kind proud.[image-2]

Speaking of the blondes, the winner is...Althea! (look pictured above). She deserved it, eve[image-3]n if she dresses kinda-super-awful in real life -- that design was fierce.

The loser tonight: finally Qristyl (look pictured right) is out of here! Thank the fashion gods for that decision. The runway will be a safer place, free of cheap fabric and ill-fitting pieces of crap. Wait, we still have Johnny the crier and Gordana. Welp, there's always next week, and the hopes of a double elimination.


Designers remaining: 12

Cry count: 5

Complete emotional breakdown: .5

Use of the word “Fierce”: 2

Check out all the looks at's Rate the Runway.

Get ready for next week! It's the big "make a dress out of something insane" challenge. I can't tell what it is and my DVR cut it off. Booooo. What do you think it is? Guesses? Wishes? Hopes? Dreams?

This week on Project Runway, the models are calling the shots. Shameless ploy to get us to watch Models of the Runway? Yes. Am I watching Models of the Runway? Yes. Mission accomplished, Lifetime, you have sucked me in.

I love that the models have all these grand ideas but a little part of me, okay, the majority of me, thinks they have absolutely no idea what on earth they are talking about. Example: Shirin's girl wants a royal blue satin jumpsuit with gold rope accents.

Let me repeat that slowly and in caps:








Apparently she is confusing Shirin for her mother sewing a Halloween costume, or the challenge for "Who can look closest to a dominatrix Superwoman?"

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