This week's TV forecast looks like we'll be getting a lot of dark crazy shit: getting murdered by your family, a grown-up Antichrist, an underground railroad action movie, creepy Norman and his mom Norma, and 10 guests trapped on island estate (one of them is the murderer), prison and a racy bible story. This week's releases may not be much of a spiritual compass. But Rupaul's Drag Race is back, gracing us with its holy grail of creatively fierce lexicon to throw some shade on practically every situation in life. Here's your guide to this week's TV picks:
Cuckoo U.S. debut of hit BBC comedy series starring Andy Samberg (season one) and Taylor Lautner (season two). Binge-ready episodes available Mon., Mar. 7 at 12:01 a.m. on Netflix.
Damien A&E’s sequel to The Omen. Damien, almost thirty-years old, somehow is only just beginning to notice the deathly forces of evil that surround him. With help from Ann Rutledge (Barbara Hershey), the world’s most powerful woman, he must fulfill his destiny as the Antichrist. Series premiere begins Mon., Mar. 7 at 10 p.m. on A&E.
Rupaul’s Drag Race Our Glamazons this season include Kim Chi (because she's Korean), Laila McQueen (Laila is "a super-pretty stripper name"), Dax Exclamationpoint (formerly Chlamydia Marie St. James), Thorgy (“T-H with an orgy”), and – my personal favorite – Bob the Drag Queen (“My dad's name is 'The drag queen' and 'Bob' stands for 'big ol' bottom.'") Alas, this is still a competition – "not Rupaul’s best friend race!" And bitches will be throwing beaucoup shade. In the end there is only one chanté who can stay while the other ugly dumpsters must sashay away. Season eight premieres Mon., Mar. 7 at 9 p.m. on Logo.
Bates Motel Inspired by Hitchcock’s Psycho, the prequel series explores Norman Bates’ formative years with his mother, Norma, who have a mother-son relationship guaranteed to freak you out. Season four returns Mon., Mar. 7 at 9 p.m. on A&E.
Tuesday
Of Kings and Prophets An epic biblical saga about King Saul, the first king of the Israelites one thousand years before Christ was born, and the simple shepherd David, who rises to power to replace him.
Series premiere Tues., Mar. 8 at 10 p.m. on ABC.
Marvel’s Agent’s of S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Coulson and the S.H.I.E.L.D. gang are back and ready to finally put an end to Hydra, the evil neo-Nazi organization led by Gideon Malick (Deadwood’s Powers Boothe). Since nobody important seems to really die in the Marvels Universe, expect to see the return of some evil archenemies. The series’ midseason premiere returns Tues., Mar. 8 at 9 p.m. on ABC.
Little Big Shots From a pint-sized breakdancer to a 5-year-old Bruce Lee impersonator, Steve Harvey showcases the world’s most gifted children in a family-friendly talent show. Premieres Tues., Mar. 8 at 8 p.m. on NBC.
Chrisley Knows Best The reality series featuring the self-made millionaire and family patriarch Todd Chrisley who runs his family like he runs his business: through ultra-anal control freak style of micromanagement. Season two returns Tues., Mar. 8 at 10 p.m. on USA.
The Carmichael Show This irreverent sitcom, centered around comedian Jerrod Carmichael, who plays himself, his liberal-rights-toting girlfriend, and his super-conservative African American family, deals with racial stereotypes and current events without ever forgetting to be funny. Preview season two Weds., Mar. 9 at 10 p.m. and catch regular episodes airing Sun., Mar. 13 at 9 p.m. on NBC.
Victoria’s Secret Swim Special Watch the fabulous lives of Victoria Secret Angels as they explore the luxurious town of St. Barths and prepare their perfect bodies for a special swim suit fashion event featuring live performances from Demi Lovato and Nick Jonas. Best watched alone on a pathetic couch while devouring a shamefully high amount of take out food in a resentful fit of rebellion. Wed., Mar. 9, at 9 p.m. on CBS.
The Wahlburgers The reality series about Boston’s favorite/most interesting celebrity family returns. This season, we see Mark direct a rap music video with help from P. Diddy and receive an opportunity to host a special event honoring Pope Francis I in Philadelphia. Also appearing this season: NASCAR’s Dale Earnhardt Jr., Greg Biffle, and Ricky Stenhouse, who swing by to visit and, you know, other run-of-the-mill family stuff. Airs Wed., Mar. 9, at 10 p.m. on A&E.
Underground Executive producer John Legend delivers a slavery-era underground railroad drama that follows a blacksmith and a small group of slaves who attempt a action-packed running escape for freedom. Premieres Wed., Mar. 9, at 10 p.m. on WGN America.
http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1
Thursday
60 Days In Seven innocent civilians pose — unbeknownst to any inmates, officers, or staffers — as prisoners in a high-surveillance correctional facility in an attempt to expose a jail system notoriously rife with corruption, sex, and violence. Premieres Thurs., Mar. 10 at 9 p.m. on A&E.
Flaked With help from Arrested Development creator Mitchell Hurwitz, Will Arnett creates and stars in this dramedy series as Chip, a man struggling with sobriety and relationships. Set against the backdrop of Venice, Calif., where he resides. Binge-ready series premieres Fri., Mar. 11 at 12:01 a.m. on Netflix.
Saturday
Sunday
And Then There Were None Two-part miniseries based on Agatha’s Christie’s mystery novel of the same name. Ten strangers are invited to an isolated island estate only to find out that nobody knows the host, who (shocker!) is nowhere to be found. After a mysterious announcement, guests begin to die one after another as people scramble to find out which of them is the real killer. Airs Sun., Mar. 13 and Mon., Mar. 14 at 9 p.m. on Lifetime.
Ying Lo writes about television for Creative Loafing. She has a blog or you can find her flunking social media @yinglo. Let her tell you how best to binge watch every Monday.
This article appears in Mar 3-9, 2016.