Summer on the Boob Tube

Escape the summer heat by hunkering down with some good ol’ bad TV.

Plenty of great television is slated to air this summer, but the sheer bounty of bad reality programming outweighs it by a ton of Kardashians. The best of the worst is listed below. Tune in — or make plans to tune out.

So You Think You Can Dance? Ballerinas, B-boys, ballroom dancers and other professionals of the movement industry (or those trying to be) compete for $250k in cash and the title of “America’s Favorite Dancer” while Mary Murphy gushes, barks and screeches her assessments, and Nigel Lythgoe proffers his proper British opinions of the contestants’ talents (or lack thereof). The dance competition’s 10th season premieres with a two-night kick-off this week. Tue., May 14, 8 p.m., Fox.

Bad Girls Club All-Star Battle Fourteen badass bitches from six seasons worth of Bad Girls Club — including Natalie “I Run LA” Nunn, merry drunken-stumbling Judi Jai from New Orleans, and Atlanta’s “Shamrock” double-teamers Shannon and Rocky — contend for $100,000 and the title of “Baddest Bad Girl of All Time.” Expect readings, catfights and out-and-out brawls when all those inflated egos collide and the ratchet-ass hoes get BGC-style craycray while living together and competing in physical and “mental” challenges that earn them slutty nights out, control of the house, and security from elimination. Ray J hosts. Tue., May 21, 8 p.m., Oxygen.

Toxic Office: Does Someone Have to Go? Ever feel like you could fix all the fucked-up shit at your company if you were in charge? In this new grimmer-than-usual Fox reality experiment, employees are put in the boss’s chair and given the chance to turn around their troubled workplaces, even if it means cutting salaries or firing co-workers. Thurs., May 23, 9 p.m., Fox.

The Bachelorette LA bridal stylist Desiree Hartsock — the cute Katie Holmes look-alike who was booted by Bachelor Sean Lowe after her brother intimidated him off the fence about his feelings for her into definitive non-affection — returns to the world of reality dating. This time she’s the star and seeks her own Mr. Right from 25 eligible bachelors, dodging playas all the way. Mon., May 26, 8 p.m., ABC.

The American Baking Competition The UK’s Great British Bake-Off inspired this U.S. spin-off, which pits 10 amateur bakers against each other in three weekly challenges (“Signature Bake,” “Technical Bake” and “Showstopper Bake”). The winner nabs a cookbook publishing contract and a $250,000 cash prize. Don’t be deterred by Jeff Foxworthy as host; he seems less annoying than usual when his piehole is full. Wed., May 29, 8 p.m., CBS.

Pregnant & Dating In each hour-long episode, five moms-to-be who don’t want to delay dating simply because they’re expecting seek compatible partners, i.e., those few-and-far-between men not freaked out by the notion of becoming a baby’s daddy substitute in the near future. Sat., June 1, 9 p.m., WE.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Forget about the spin-offs. If you have to watch this rich-for-nothing, good-for-nothing brood, you might as well get treated to the the full bushel of bananas and strained, awkward interactions between heads-of-house Bruce and Kris Jenner. Sun., June 2, 9 p.m., E!

Chef Roble & Co. Bravo signed off on 17 new reality shows in 2013, and this docu-drama was picked up for another go-round. In its first season, celebrity chef Roblé Ali Roble launched his high-end Brooklyn-based catering company and dealt with the inevitable issues that arose. For the second season, Roble expands his staff to encompass a new pastry chef and attempts to meet the growing demands of his clientele, which includes R&B artist John Legend and The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Phaedra Parks, among others. Tues., June 4, 10 p.m., Bravo.

72 Hours Three teams of strangers are dropped off in the unforgiving wilderness with nothing but a GPS navigator and one bottle of water. Their mission? Be the first team to find a hidden briefcase filled with $100k in cash, and take it home. Thurs., June 6, 9 p.m., TNT.

Whodunnit? CSI creator Anthony Zuiker and vet reality producer Cris Abrego (Rock of Love) are the brains behind this mystery reality show offering 13 would-be detectives the opportunity to solve cases each week. One of the contestants is also the “killer”; the person who unmasks the culprit wins $250k. Sun., June 23, 9 p.m., ABC.

Big Brother 15 A bunch of strangers live in isolation from the outside world, participating in trumped-up competitions and traumatizing each other so they don’t have to leave. All the while, hundreds of cameras record everything they do 24/7 and broadcast it to millions. Last man or woman standing wins 500k. If watching people lie, cheat and generally act like assholes is your idea of good entertainment, and you don’t mind dealing with a host who has never, ever gotten good at her job despite having done it for the past 14 years (sorry, Julie Chen, love ya, but Jesus Christ), then this show’s for you. Wed., June 26, 8 p.m., CBS.


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