That was awful.
But just how bad was it? Let’s look at some quick facts to support just how bad the Bucs played in their 38-3 loss to the Saints on Sunday night.
- The Bucs gave up completions to 11 different receivers in the first half alone, breaking Drew Brees' personal record for a game.
- The Bucs failed to score from the 1-yard line on first and goal, the first time this season a team hasn’t scored a touchdown on the Saints while having a goal-to-go situation.
- Tom Brady threw three interceptions and was sacked twice and hit 7 times
- The Saints had the ball for close to 40 minutes, while the Bucs had it for not even 20.
- Saints backup quarterback Taysom Hill gained 123 yards from receiving, rushing, and passing. For reference, the Bucs had 195 yards of total offense.
- The Bucs had eight yards rushing, on five rushing attempts (one of them a kneel as the last play of the game), the fewest in a game of all time. Yes. You read that correctly.
So yeah. The Bucs were bad. But let’s keep going, eh? The Bucs did play the worst game of football I’ve ever had to sit through, so I might as well be thorough.
- Adam Trautman, Josh Hill, and Tre’Quan Smith all had touchdown receptions for the Saints. Who the hell are those guys, you might ask? I don’t know either.
- Bucs running back Leonard Fournette had one rushing attempt for 0 yards.
- The Saints had rushes of 17, 17, and 23 years, which were all more than the aforementioned total the Bucs put up on the ground (eight).
- To top it all off, the Bucs even had one of those rare kickoff-out-of-bounds penalties in the fourth quarter to put the cherry on top of the heaping pile of shit that was the Bucs’ performance Sunday night.
- Former Bucs QB Jameis Winston made a cameo in the fourth quarter and led the Saints on what probably would have been a touchdown drive if it hadn’t been the end of a 38-3 game.
But you know what? Who cares? It was cool to see the Tampa skyline during the commercial breaks, and to hear Al Michaels make a bunch of Tampa jokes (“The closest eligible receiver was in Clearwater,” “That ball is right down the middle, right down Dale Mabry”), and we all have Tom Brady and his three interception, no touchdown performance (with a 40.4 QBR) to thank for that (the last time the Bucs played on Sunday Night Football was 2008, the night the Rays won Game 7 of the ALCS against the Red Sox).
All of this after last week’s dud of a performance against the Daniel Jones-led New York Giants. So make that eight straight quarters of horrendous football played by the Bucs. They’ve been awful in all phases of the game. Their defense leaks more oil than my Cadillac spills, and the offensive line is showing its true colors, especially with starting guard Ali Marpet being out with a concussion and with Donovan Smith just being awful.
For those saying “Oh, it’s only two games, they have the rest of the season,” you’re absolutely right. But I just wasted three hours of my life watching a bunch of grown men in red jerseys take a dump on a football field. So yeah, I’m not a happy camper.
I’m sure they’re not either. Brady will probably come back next week and lead the Bucs to a victory over the Panthers, but it’ll be hard to forget such a horrid performance. A game like this makes me miss good old Jameis, because at least he made some laughably stupid throws that were fun to watch. Brady just looked like an old dude getting beat up by a bunch of guys half his age.
That’s all. I’m going to go watch “The Expendables,” because honestly nothing could be worse than having to watch the Bucs play football tonight.
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