The magic of clicking with people like clockwork: a book review of Click

romantic feelings, see their relationship in more magical terms, and exhibit  higher levels of passion. Also, when we click, we tend to become our best selves and operate with others on an elevated level. The Brafman brothers breakdown the main mechanics behind clicking as follows.

Vulnerability: Being vulnerable unconsciously takes a relationship to a deeper level. Hostage negotiators who must form instant and deep connections with complete strangers under strained circumstances relate past experiences in which they too felt weak or desperate. The more personal information an online profile reveals, the more attention it will receive. Clinton turned his presidential campaign around by opening up about his difficult childhood on talk shows.

Proximity: The casual connections created by close proximity are exponentially useful in successful relationships. The University of Florida's basketball team won two national championships with four sophomores who shared dorm rooms. The one factor that predicts whether police academy cadets will click is their last names; cadets are constantly grouped in alphabetical order.  In dorms, regardless of personality types the most popular people tend to be those in the middle of the hall while the least popular occupy the ends.

Similarity: Similarity promotes connections by lumping two people together in an in-group. The smaller the in-group, the stronger the connection. One study found that subjects donated twice as much money to a charity when the charity's volunteer shared the donor 's name.

Resonance: This describes the moment we connect with our surroundings, when we feel in the zone. It's prompted by mastery of a task and an adequate challenge. More over, this state is contagious. When we see others experience an emotion, we have a tendency to mirror that emotion.

[image-1]In contrast to advice books by self-help gurus and spiritual leaders, the Brafmans base their findings entirely on expert opinions and well documented research, only inserting a few personal anecdotes to illuminate certain principles. At under 200 pages, Click is a quick read---almost too quick for readers to form an intimate connection with it.

Undoubtedly this book is marketed to anyone who manages groups: teachers, coaches, and bosses. It shows the importance behind seemingly trivial experiences and practices like  "team building" and "get to know you" exercises. However, unlike books such as the seminal work How to Win Friends and Influence People, the authors don't bridge the gap between observation and advice. They break down the science of clicking into its components but never reassemble these parts in a way that will help readers artificially create quick-set intimacies or resonance. This objectivity isn't necessarily a bad thing. The authors leave it up to readers to navigate the morally suspect area of learning how to manipulate social situations in order to create the illusion of magical connections.

Buy the book or check out more from the Brafman brothers at You can also read the entire thing for free at

Follow Shawn Alff on Twitter or Facebook,

and email him if interested in writing about Sex and Love.

We've all experienced it: an instant connection with a complete stranger that makes you believe in soul mates, destiny, and love at first sight—-a feeling so strong you consider leaving everything and running off to Mexico with a virtual stranger. Then there are the moments when you feel in the zone and totally connected with your environment. Click, a new book by the New York Times bestselling authors of Sway, analyzes the mechanics of these magical moments.

When things clicks we feel more alive, more engaged, and more in touch with everything in an almost supernatural way—-a description that parallels the use of stimulants like caffeine or cocaine. Clicking creates a euphoric state, causing areas of the brain associated with dopamine absorption to activate as they do when on stimulants. Dopamine fuels pleasure and produces a euphoria that heightens our sense of being alive and aware. A hot new romance actually is a drug.

So why should you care? Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman provide a book's worth of examples on how relationships based on these quick-set intimacies can benefit us. Couples who instantly click have more

Scroll to read more Local Arts articles
Join the Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state.
Help us keep this coverage going with a one-time donation or an ongoing membership pledge.


Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at [email protected]