romantic feelings, see their relationship in more magical terms, and exhibit higher levels of passion. Also, when we click, we tend to become our best selves and operate with others on an elevated level. The Brafman brothers breakdown the main mechanics behind clicking as follows.
Vulnerability: Being vulnerable unconsciously takes a relationship to a deeper level. Hostage negotiators who must form instant and deep connections with complete strangers under strained circumstances relate past experiences in which they too felt weak or desperate. The more personal information an online profile reveals, the more attention it will receive. Clinton turned his presidential campaign around by opening up about his difficult childhood on talk shows.
Proximity: The casual connections created by close proximity are exponentially useful in successful relationships. The University of Florida's basketball team won two national championships with four sophomores who shared dorm rooms. The one factor that predicts whether police academy cadets will click is their last names; cadets are constantly grouped in alphabetical order. In dorms, regardless of personality types the most popular people tend to be those in the middle of the hall while the least popular occupy the ends.
Similarity: Similarity promotes connections by lumping two people together in an in-group. The smaller the in-group, the stronger the connection. One study found that subjects donated twice as much money to a charity when the charity's volunteer shared the donor 's name.
Resonance: This describes the moment we connect with our surroundings, when we feel in the zone. It's prompted by mastery of a task and an adequate challenge. More over, this state is contagious. When we see others experience an emotion, we have a tendency to mirror that emotion.
[image-1]In contrast to advice books by self-help gurus and spiritual leaders, the Brafmans base their findings entirely on expert opinions and well documented research, only inserting a few personal anecdotes to illuminate certain principles. At under 200 pages, Click is a quick read---almost too quick for readers to form an intimate connection with it.
Undoubtedly this book is marketed to anyone who manages groups: teachers, coaches, and bosses. It shows the importance behind seemingly trivial experiences and practices like "team building" and "get to know you" exercises. However, unlike books such as the seminal work How to Win Friends and Influence People, the authors don't bridge the gap between observation and advice. They break down the science of clicking into its components but never reassemble these parts in a way that will help readers artificially create quick-set intimacies or resonance. This objectivity isn't necessarily a bad thing. The authors leave it up to readers to navigate the morally suspect area of learning how to manipulate social situations in order to create the illusion of magical connections.
Buy the book or check out more from the Brafman brothers at brafmanbrothers.com. You can also read the entire thing for free at books.google.com
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