No, not nipple rings or anything pierced, but adhesive nipple adornments.
People, I'm just not that fancy. After staring at it for a few weeks, I decided to bring it to work to see if anyone there would wear it and let me write about their experiences with it. Seemed like the best and highest use for the gift.
Sadly, I'm clearly not the least adventurous person at work — not one woman was willing to try the nipular adornments and let me write about their experiences. It also may have had something to do with me wanting a photo of what they looked like on.
"I won't use your face," I told Kristin. Nevertheless, she refused to let me photograph her nipples.
"Meaghan?" I asked hopefully.
"Oh, no," she said with a look that would scare Hitler.
However, there was one person who was game: Music editor Ray agreed to wear the adornments and tell us how it went.
First, his unfettered nipples:
And, since she'd let us down by not letting us use her nipples, Kristin volunteered to adorn Ray's nipples:
\\Of course, we had some debate as to what the third little thing was for.
\\At this point, Ray became something of a prop for the workday. Sales people would come by and we'd say, "Hey, Ray has something to show you." And, of course, like the good guy he is, he'd pull up his shirt.
Of course, his next assignment was to see how his wife would handle this revelation. This isn't his wife, but a friend — his wife is there and hey, our apologies to her. Actually, our apologies to everyone who saw this accidentally.
\\But how well did these hold up? Ray reports one fell off in the shower (uh-huh, sure it did, buddy) but the other was still going strong at work the next day.
\\By the way, that's Ray's summer intern, who definitely didn't sign up for this.
In all, though, Ray reports that he did forget throughout the day he was wearing them, but then they'd rub his t-shirt or he'd touch his chest (is this a thing guys do or just Ray?) and he'd remember he was wearing them which, he said, made him feel "saucy" and as though he "had a secret."
Welcome to why women wear sexy lingerie, buddy.
Which is totally what we're letting him try next.
Clearly, we'll try anything. Ask us.
This article appears in Jun 15-22, 2017.