Which Christmas movie are you?

A customized guide to the glut of holiday movies.

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It's the most wonderful time of the year, especially if you're a movie fan. The holiday season is now second only to summer as the landing zone for Hollywood's biggest blockbusters. And thank God for that, because sometimes, after the presents have been opened and the acid reflux has gone nuclear, you've just got to slip away from the avalanche of relatives and seek refuge in a comfy, dark theater.

In the next few pages, we've got reviews of movies out on Christmas day (Sherlock Holmes, Nine), a look at Invictus from someone who knows his South African rugby first-hand, and an attempt to separate the Avatar fact from fiction.

But what should you see? That all depends on who you are...

Moviegoer: I'm weary from holiday travel.

Movie: Up In the Air

You just flew in from the coast, and man, is your patience exhausted. Air travel during the holidays is a screeching carnival of upset travelers, hair-trigger TSA screeners, vegetative airline employees and out-of-control kids turning atrocious public art into jungle gyms. The best part: In a few days you get to run the entire gauntlet again on your way home. Remember when you thought flying was fun? Director Jason Reitman does, and his Up In The Air is (among other things) a love letter to jet-setting. Watching George Clooney expertly navigate his way from curbside to airside should put you in a more zen frame of mind. Upgrading to Clooney's Admiral's Club membership wouldn't hurt either.

Moviegoer: I hate my family!

Movie: Precious

Ok, yes, your Uncle Art is a skeezy fuck-up who insists on blowing his bad breath in your face, Mom's getting sloppy on her fourth glass of chardonnay, and your siblings seem ready to crush each other's fingers with nutcrackers right there at the table. But you think you got it bad? Take the whole family to see Precious, the story of a young girl who survives sexual abuse by her father, and mental and physical abuse from her mother, only to somehow emerge still standing with a shred of hope at the end. It'll make you appreciate that crazy clan you call your own, and isn't that what the holidays are all about?

Moviegoer: I just need to get away!

Movie: Avatar

At some point, all the merriment and gift-giving and colored lights and gorging yourself just becomes overwhelming, and you need to escape. This holiday, director James Cameron would like to offer you an exotic getaway to the lush moon of Pandora. Transports depart every two hours and 40 minutes or so from your local multiplex. Just place the special safety glasses on your face, sit back and prepare to be amazed at the mind-bending sights and sounds of an alien world brought to life through the magic of a genius/crazy director, an army of technicians and the largest stack of cash ever thrown at the screen.

Moviegoer: I'm drunk and I've been thrown out of the house.

Movie: Sherlock Holmes

We've all been there: You start with a beer, then someone hands you a mixed drink which gives way to half a bottle of wine with dinner. Before you know it, you're downing eggnog straight from the carton and explaining to all your little nieces and nephews that Santa Claus is just an elaborate story parents tell kids to prepare them for the disappointing nature of adult life. Stop scaring the children and get your drunk ass to Sherlock Holmes, an energetic romp of a movie filled with fighting and explosions and Satanists and hot Victorian cleavage. Yes, the plot is unsolvable and ridiculous, but how would you ever know, Sir Drinks-a-lot? By the time Holmes starts explaining what the hell happened, you'll be sleeping it off in the aisle.

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