Pete Kotz

We, your elders, can empathize. It’s much more pleasant to stay home and bitch. If you get good at it, you can even land a primetime slot on Fox News.

Based on not fake science, we’ve developed a test to precisely measure your patriotism.

Let’s crunch the numbers.

Let me educate you on the simple yet compelling reasons behind my choice.

Hold my beer.

For I am a patriot. And an infectious disease expert.