Best Of 2011

BEST RETIREMENT PLAN WITH BENEFITS: Corporal Scott Guffey

Some police officers go out in a blaze of glory after sacrificing their lives for the greater good. Some quit for a better job. Corporal Scott Guffey retired at 46 with a $60,000 annual pension after repeatedly having sex in his cruiser with a 24-year-old woman while on the clock. Despite his evasion of duty, Guffey remains a role model for many, as he demonstrated the key to carrying on a lunchtime affair in your car without breaking any lewd-and-lascivious laws: Get a heavy tint-job and put up a sunshade.