"Is your girlfriend one of them salad eatin' bitches" and you need just the right recipe to get her to "drop them panties?" Coolio's got your back.
Cooking with Coolio debuted this week on My Damn Channel (a new video aggregator starring long-lost and b-list celebs), where he demonstrates his culinary chops with the Coolio Caprese Salad. Don't let his maple cabinetry and stainless steel appliances fool you, Coolio is still from the streets. When he needs salt, one of his buxom female assistants pulls a little baggy from her cleavage. His sous chef is also his hype-man. Coolio can slice and dice, although a chef's knife may not be his favorite tool: "I'm pretty good with this knife, and I'm pretty good with a sword, nunchucks and a pistol."
With lines like "an oily salad ain't shit" and " that looks better than you momma's titties," Coolio could even start competing for my job.
The recipe itself is nothing to get excited about, although he does toss on some diced onion and sprinkles a mystery ingredient at the end. Raw onion will get her to drop them panties? Maybe Coolio and I hand out with different hoes.
Coolio's cooking sessions will be a weekly offering on My Damn Channel, at least until Weird Al starts mocking one of his recipes and Coolio disappears into another decade-long funk.
"Shaka Zulu, motherfucker!"