Dirty toasts for St. Patrick's Day drunks

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-Money in your pocket, beer in your cup,

poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up!

-Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor.

-No matter how beautiful, smart, and full of class

to somebody, somewhere, she’s a pain in the ass.

-Here's to all my friends and lovers. May all your ups and downs be under the covers!

-Here's to heat, not the kind that brings down shacks and shanties, but the kind that brings down bras and panties.

-Here's to those we love the best, we love them best when they're undressed. We love them sitting, standing, lying; if they had wings we'd love them flying. And when they're dead, buried, forgotten- we'll dig them up and fuck them rotting!

-Here’s to Hell! May my stay there be as much fun as my way there!

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-Here's to the beer we love to drink,

and the death we like to cheat.

Here's to our wives and sweethearts,

let's pray they never meet.

-Here’s to whiskey, scotch and rye,

amber, smooth, and clear;

not as sweet as a woman’s lips,

but a damn sight more sincere.

-May you die at 90 under the covers,

shot in the head by a jealous lover.

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