How to take a... SPRING-BREAKcation

For collegiate refugees still battling college debt and searching for a real job, a good vacation consists of a cooler stocked with beer and a beachful of bikinis. Unfortunately, Sunset Beach is the only spot in the Bay area where you can legally party like a spring breaker year round without having to buy watered-down Rum Runners at an over-priced beach bar. This may change with pending legislation, so load up the cooler and beer bong while there's still time.

Invest in a sun canopy. Don't underestimate the power of the sun to kill your beach buzz quicker than a sandy shot of Jager.

Don't bring glass containers.

Offer the cops bottled water. Beach cops are the coolest officers around, considering the kind of drunks they deal with daily. As long as you're not feeding under-aged women drinks, they'll treat you with as much respect as you give them.

Carpool, arrive before 11 a.m., and park in the Sunset neighborhood. Don't start your beach day off driving around for an hour in the heat looking for a spot, then parking illegally. You will be towed.

Don't plan to do anything later that night except eat pizza and watch TV. After a proper beach day you'll be nursing a hangover by 9. On the plus side you'll get plenty of sleep and be up nice and early on Sunday — just in time to drink some more.

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