While we prepare our survival shelters for the inevitable reunion tours, speculative new album releases, and cringe-worthy sights of middle-aged guys and gals screaming along to thinly veiled metaphors for toilet humor, here are five bands (in order from least offensive to atrocious) that have made the world a better place with their post-90s-era irrelevance. I should note, however, that these bands’ ironic value is through the roof…
1. Creed
Another ‘90s-rising band, another native Floridian, another blemish. Tallahassee was the birthplace of this notorious post-grunge puke-rock outfit. And Scott Stapp? Do we even need to get into a discussion about him here? Do us all a favor, Scott — put the microphone down. Please. For good.
2. Savage Garden
The only thing savage about the Aussie pop duo was their terrible taste in clothing. And their music, which sounds like a group of corporate eunuchs piping overly saccharine tunes of no redeeming value. The only place you’ll hear them nowadays is some waiting room or another. Imagine all of the terrible conversations that were had while “Truly Madly Deeply” played in the background.
3. Smash Mouth
The entirety of the ‘90s might best be encapsulated in Smash Mouth. Bright colors. A Monkees cover. The Shrek soundtrack. What’s not to love about this ska-punk band turned massive arena-rock radio staple? Well, everything, really. Also, we’re pretty sure lead singer Steve Harwell moonlights as Guy Fieri (or vice versa).
4. Sugar Ray
Sugar Ray was the band that no one asked for — not even your average soccer mom. But like a lot of ‘90s-era cultural tropes, Sugar Ray’s weird dub-reggae pop fusion sound and Mark McGrath’s incessantly stupid, abhorrently wasteful lyrics persisted through mainstream corporate exposure, airwave and retail background music ubiquity and, of course, placement in movie soundtracks. The rise of dude-brahs with blonde frost jobs was an unintended side effect.
5. Limp Bizkit
Fred Durst: an iconoclast of human waste and a stain on Florida’s musical history. OK, maybe that’s harsh, but seriously, his grade-school humor and superfluous male posturing and bravado were indicative of the gross culture of the ‘90s. Oh, and the music his band made sucked, too. And believe it or not, while a recent Facebook post about them playing a gas station in Dayton, Ohio turned out to be a prank, these crude dudes are still laying down “sick” tracks for their “legions” of fans.
Brian Roesler is enrolled in USFSP's digital journalism and design master's program. He is almost finished with his first year.
This article appears in Jul 28 – Aug 4, 2016.
