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E'VAR feat. Duggie/Paul Oakenfold/Fat Boy Slim/Keoki/Sasha/Carl Cox/Rich Hawtin/Paul Van Dyk/Craze/Scribble/ Rabbit In The Moon/Keith MacKenzie/ Major/Chris Lee/Lascivious/K Funk/Chad Neiro/DJ Bobby/John Corradi/more This seems so implausible that I found myself keeping an ear out for the sound of prank-induced laughter. A three-day dance-music blowout. Featuring not some of the turntable's biggest names, but pretty much all of them. At Joyland, yet, Largo's roller rink turned country music dancehall turned big, empty building. (Editor's note: our crackshot Weekly Planet investigative team discovered that virtually none, if any, of the headliners are confirmed to appear.) Who will be behind the decks, we cannot definitively say. Advance tickets are available at www.phattycat.com. (Nov. 22-24, Joyland)

The Chase Theory/Cocktail Honeys/Thinking Day Rally/The Silent Treatment This celebration of Bradenton posthardcore heroes The Chase Theory and their new EP In Pursuit of Excellence (released nationally by Onedaysavior Records) was originally booked at Sarasota's marvelous Monterey Deli. Unfortunately, the Monterey abruptly closed its doors a few weeks back, so the dudes at the State kindly stepped up to offer asylum. It's a solid lineup featuring some of the Bay area's hooky modern-rock best, excepting the unfortunate inclusion of Cocktail Honeys. They're this writer's vanity project, but allow us to efficiently silence any potential special-treatment grumblings by stating unequivocally that they suck. (Nov. 23, State Theatre)

Suspended/Sleeping by The Riverside/ September Engagement Kudos to USF's Marshall Center for showing an increasing open-mindedness in booking their shows. This ain't Phish, and neither is it something vapid and bouncy to serve as background music while people play pool. Challenging, energetic post-rock (Suspended), visceral melodic hardcore (SBTR) and heavy, dynamic angst-groove (September Engagement) are the order of the day, and well worth a trip up to Fletcher Avenue. Did I mention this show and its ilk are always free? Highly recommended. (Nov. 23, USF's Marshall Center)

I Like It Hot Festival feat. "Sauce Boss" Bill Wharton & The Ingredients/Soulsystem/ Ill/Legal/Dutch/ Unspeakable Acts/The Spicoli Brothers/New World Cowboys/ Clinton Edwards Are you into the kinds of sauces one puts on food solely to keep others from eating it? Feeling a little competitive pressure from that manly friend lucky enough to be born without taste buds? Looking for a good hardwood floor stripper, or something to keep your dog from chewing your shoes? Perhaps you're just interested in checking out an extremely disparate retinue of friendly, unassuming live sounds while the folks around you shriek and beg for liquid and/or a quick death. Well, here you go. (Nov. 24, Pinellas Expo Hall)

Dixie Dregs Legendary, venerable instrumental virtuosos the Dixie Dregs bring their Southern-tinged fretboard workouts to Jannus. This is not for any musician dissatisfied with his or her own abilities; those looking for the perfect three-minute pop song likewise need not apply. However, if poise, technical talent and a high degree of difficulty are what you look for in a band, this is your Winter Games. (Nov. 24, Jannus Landing)

Seven Nations For some reason, Seven Nations' amalgam of bagpipes and Pearl Jam's least intriguing qualities have really struck a chord with VH-1/Adult Alternative aficionados, particularly those who like their Irish pubs full of affluent Americans and free of rowdy, volatile fun. Granted, the band's tunes are engagingly anthemic and they've got the climactic, hassle-free live show down pat. Also, they're quite handsome. But it's little more than Matchbox 20 with a suspiciously smooth accent — why did you order ethnic food when what you really wanted was something you could put ketchup and mayonnaise on? (Nov. 24, State Theatre)

Cutthroats 9/The Convocation Of .../Cavity/ Nothing Promise Brutal. Brutal, brutal, brutal. Former Unsane mainman Chris Spencer returns with Cutthroats 9, a trio that's a little more melodic and blues-driven but no less, uh, brutal. Baltimore's The Convocation Of ... provides similarly brutal hardcore from guys who've been churning out brutal hardcore since before brutal hardcore was brutal. Miami's Cavity has a release due out any day now on noted grind/math/metal imprint Hydrahead. Also brutal. And our own Nothing Promise, naturally, cranks out some of the sweetest Air Supply-style retro sugar-pop available. No, just kidding. They're brutal, too. (Nov. 24, Orpheum)

Robby Krieger Band The Doors' oft-unsung guitar hero comes to town, bringing with him some top-notch backing musicians and, with any luck, some wonderful and genre-confounding new tuneage. Well, it's not like he can play People Are Strange for an hour. Shudder. (Nov. 25, State Theatre)

Pigface/Gravity Kills/Godhead/Grim Faeries Invisible/Wax Trax industrial/experimental/ Goth/dance collective Pigface hits the American road for the first time in perhaps half a decade, in support of a greatest-hits collection that you really need to have in your CD rack. No, Trent Reznor will not be there to sing Suck. Don't be stupid. Rhythmic genius Martin Atkins and songwriter/vocalist Chris Connelly will, however — and Atkins alone is worth the price of admission. Compelling former Buzz Bin industro-rock act Gravity Kills, expendable Marilyn Manson acolytes Godhead and Bay area mesmerists Grim Faeries provide more than adequate support. (Nov. 25, Masquerade)

Toys For Tots Benefit feat. Sociogroove/ Rocks & The Revelators/Boney Fiend/Funky Octahedron/Even Steven/1404/Molten Mike/Abstract/Ivory Joe/Sheer Octavia/ Vent/Suspended Another benefit with a worthy cause and a wildly careening bill that's either a thing of beauty, or not. From Rocks & The Revelators' classic-sounding stomp to Boney Fiend's twisted Ramones-isms to Molten Mike's learned blues licks to Vent's heavy-ass groove, you'll get it all. Except the toys — those are for the tots. (Nov. 25, Boomerz)

Graves w/Reckless Deerhunters/Two Cents Short Graves features Michael Graves (duh) and Dr. Chud, both of whom were in The Misfits at some point, but neither of whom is Glen Danzig or Jerry Only. Will they rest on their associative laurels, or transcend and excite with mind-blowing new shit? I think we both know the answer to that. Reckless Deerhunters and Two Cents Short round things out, and are appropriately fast and gnarly. (Nov. 25, Brass Mug)

Aerosmith w/The Cult After first regaining, then eclipsing the rock god-dom they don't remember enjoying in the '70s, Aerosmith has settled into a comfortable position, and will apparently release trite, disposable, and amazingly popular radio fodder until the Armageddon for which they provided the love theme. Let this be a lesson, kids: You'll never again be as good as you were when you were taking lots and lots of drugs. Nothing they've done since Pump is even remotely comparable to the pre-rehab material, but then again, it's not as if they're still writing their own stuff. The Cult seem headed down a similar road, or would be, if they could keep the public at large from forgetting about them every two years or so. While their latest disc is certainly a better listen than the headliner's Just Push Play, it's a far cry from the ethereal Love or ass-kicking Electric. Go for the legacy. Or don't go. (Nov. 27, Ice Palace)

Koufax w/Loyal Frisby/Missouri Loves Company Koufax lace their clever indie-pop with keyboards and an undeniable bounce, sort of like if Joe Jackson was 23 and had both great hair and emo cred. Truly a singular, awesome band. Gainesville's Loyal Frisby have been compared to the Pixies, which should be all anybody needs to know. Pilots Vs. Aeroplanes offshoot Missouri Loves Company is a bit more low-key, but no less stocked up in the hooks/good-pop-influence department. (Nov. 27, Orpheum)

Alison Krauss and Union Station Eclectic roots vocalist Alison Krauss was most recently lauded for her stellar contributions to the music for O Brother Where Art Thou? but everything the talented lady does seems to arrive shrouded in acclaim. Union Station, her current musical associates and contributors to her latest disc, New Favorite, boast the presence of bluegrass/dobro master Jerry Douglas. (Nov. 28, Ruth Eckerd Hall)

—All entries by Scott Harrell

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