When I heard Farrah Abraham was appearing at Exxxotica Florida, I jumped at the chance to interview her. I thought a fifteen minute conversation would be all the time I needed to charm her into casting me in the sequel to her sex tape, Backdoor Teen Mom. My intentions were completely genuine. I'm a professional. As a sex writer, filming myself having sex with a reality star would be an outstanding example of hardcore journalism. (And yes, if you're wondering, I do make most decisions on who to interview based on who I want to sleep with. My penis serves as my literary barometer, gauging the level of interest my "readers" will have in a particular subject.)
It would be dishonest to interview Abraham pretending that I actually care what she has to say about sex. She’s 21. At 21, the most eloquent things I had to say on the subject came when justifying why I locked my roommate out of our efficiency so I could masturbate to 30-second bursts of free online porn. And honestly, did you find yourself reading this because you care what's on Abraham's mind or because she looks like an athletically slim Kim Kardashian with breast implants and a flare for anal sex?
Unfortunately, my perfectly laid plans were thwarted before they even got started. My questions had to be pre-approved and our interview would be conducted through email. Below are the responses I received, presumably from Abraham, though they could have been typed by a cast member from Meerkat Manor for all I know.
I left the responses unedited to maintain their integrity and Farrah’s "voice." Also, I’m hesitant to correct the grammatical blunders—of which I'm a serial offender—for fear of getting sued for libel. This is also why I want to be as honest as possible about my pure intentions in conducting this interview. Nothing devious. I really did just want to charm Farrah into filming a second sex tape with me.
I apologize if this quickie interview is as unfulfilling as I’m told one-night-stands are for women. It does however come with some pretty pictures of Abraham. I promise my next interview will be with a porn star who has a bit more to say about desire, sexuality, the business of selling sex — and who, most importantly, will be much more receptive to shooting a sex tape with me.
If filming yourself having sex was a way "to celebrate your awesome body," how do you plan to celebrate the success of Backdoor Teen Mom and your 22nd birthday while hosting the Exxxotica after party at Passion Nightclub?
Farrah: "Good question, I think I'll keep my clothes on & drink little, embrace new friendships, take alot of pictures & maybe get a birthday kiss."
How does meeting your Teen Mom fans differ from meeting your Backdoor Teen Mom fans? What’s the creepiest question or request you’ve received from a fan so far?
Farrah: "there hasn't been much difference, other then my Back Door Teen Mom fans don't ask much about how my daughter is doing, and I would say the creepiest comment I feel are when other men say they want to buy me things .. I feel like that is odd"
Have you noticed any jealousy from porn stars who spend their entire careers trying to get the kind of notoriety you’ve received with a single film?
Farrah: "Yes , James Deen, wish him all the best but he should never be jealous of a women"
Farrah: "That's funny, I've met Jonah and we're friends but we are two different people who would not have good physical chemistry"
Some celebrity sex tapes have helped launch careers for socialites like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Others make a huge media splash then fade away. What career lessons have you taken from other reality stars with sex tapes?
Farrah: "quit having sex so much, which is no problem for me since I can't find a man anyway"
Considering that you had anal sex at 15 and filmed yourself having sex with a porn star at 21, are there any sexual fantasies you have yet to fulfill on your sexual bucket list?
Farrah: "Yes, one would be Virgin Island sexcapades"
While your notoriety has gained you fans, fame and money, I imagine it has also made it even more difficult to meet and date genuine guys. Have you gone on any dates with regular guys recently, or are you too fearful about their true motives?
Farrah: "I'm cautious but I still go on dates who equally have there own companies and whom are older then myself so there's a real chance of relationship."
Meet Farrah Abraham May 31- June 1 at the Exxxotica Expo in Ft. Lauderdale Florida, check out her website FarrahAbraham.me, follow her on Twitter at @F1Abraham and check out Backdoor Teen Mom at VividCeleb.com.
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