The Blogosphere
The "blogosphere" is a wondrous cyber society in which we're creating reams of new knowledge, right? Please. Grazing on whacked-out rants, self-important prose and pics of strangers getting their "drink on" isn't elevating civilization. Often a mash of the delusional, insular and relentlessly snarky, the blogosphere is more accurately a balkanized refuge for self-indulgence. And fact is, the vast majority of blogs reach very few. You like to post your daily stream of consciousness? More power to you. For me, the most telling stat is Comments: (0). —Anthony Salveggi
RAZR Phones
I'm convinced that people buy these things because they think a cell phone will make them look less fat. RAZR. Sleek. Skinny. Here's the problem: As phones, they suck. Take it from a pudgy kid who got one himself — I've had to send mine back once already (I got it in July) and the new one I got back, I'm told, makes me sound like I'm calling from a washing machine. Add that to the fact that a smaller phone makes you — shocker — actually look wider and, well, you'll understand why I'm considering using mine as a coaster from here on out. —ML
Red Bull
Sorry, folks, but Red Bull does not taste like Sweet Tarts — more like Pez or baby aspirin — and it may give you wings, but drink more than a few cans and it will also give you heartburn. You like it with vodka? How about a heart attack in a glass, you speed-baller? I mean, come on — Charlie Crist is drinking Red Bull. That's not only overrated, that's uncool. —LP
Fake Breasts
I'm a breast man — have been since a doctor decided I was lactose-intolerant and I had to switch to formula — and while my eyes will no doubt stray to any pair in the immediate vicinity, I'm not taking any home that were store-bought. I'm looking for the real deal, something I can feel, understand, relate to. Every breast is a beautiful thing. And if a dude tells you otherwise, sign him up for a dick implant. —ML
Allen Iverson
Would you want to be Allen Iverson's teammate? They call him The Answer — which, according to Iverson, is: I'm gonna dribble all day, shoot about 30 times and you, teammate, are welcome to watch. I'll go further: His flashy playing style has ruined a whole generation of young players who emulate his busy, herky-jerky moves without the substance to back them up. To those of us who know and care about the game, he's more the problem than the answer. —ES
Starbucks
How did drinking burnt coffee while sitting in sterile office furniture listening to elevator music suddenly become hip? Even if you take Starbucks' $5 lattes out of the equation, dealing with the world's largest corporate coffee chain still means poser baristas, questionable labor practices toward its coffee bean growers and the homogenization of Main Street USA. And let's not forget this hip coffee shop is the same one that removed its mermaid mascot's nipples once the company moved into Middle America. —AP
Fruits & Vegetables
Kids have got this one right: Fruits and vegetables are no better or worse than other foods, except in the taste department, where they are substantially worse. Trust me, you don't like salad; you like salad dressing. —JB
List Issues in Allegedly Hip Alt-Weeklies
How many times can a publication trumpet its own superior judgment, paltry imagination and exquisite laziness before readers start crumpling up the pages in utter dismay? You tell us. —DW
Overrated
