It's a full moon, the time of the month where werewolves run rampant, emergency rooms fill up with crazy-ass shit, and, in Pasco County, men assault women with pizza.
Y'all, I wish I were making that up but I'm not. Well, the werewolf part. Probably. But not the pizza part. Because police have arrested a New Port Richey man, Michael Stempel, for domestic battery, among other charges. Why? When his mom told him to leave her house, he reportedly told her she'd have to call the cops to get him to leave, and when she reached for her phone, he threw a slice of pizza at her. The slice hit her in the stomach, according to police.
Now, look, there are about 47 jokes I want to make here, many of them involving either the Little Caesar's spokesperson from the '80s or the Dominos spokesperson from the '90s. Some are puns about his slice. But instead, I'm giving you this public service message about how to treat women, even when we piss you off.
One, you don't hit. Ever. Jesus. Didn't your kindergarten teachers go over this on, like, the first day? Two, throwing food at a woman (or anyone, really) is not only the classless kind of stuff Florida, quite honestly, is tired of apologizing to the rest of the country for, it's still assault. Technically, battery. Which is worse. Three, it takes a special kind of person to hit their mama. It's OK to be special, but not like that.
If I seem a little upset, it's because this is the second time in as many weeks that someone within an hour's drive of our office has decided it was OK to hurl food at a woman. I'd really like to not see a third.
