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92. Keep your car in tune. Regular car maintenance — tune-ups, oil and air filter changes, and even properly inflated tires — will help you burn less gas, which makes for less pollution and less car trouble down the line. And remove any extraneous, unnecessary junk from your trunk — the additional extra weight saps your fuel economy.
93. Adopt a highway. Usually the domain of Rotary Clubs and church groups, "adopting" a road doesn't cost a dime. It does, however, require a serious two-year commitment. Volunteer organizations need around 20 people to go out four times a year and remove trash from a 2-mile stretch of roadway. Come on class of 2011. You got it in you? www.dot.state.fl.us/statemaintenanceoffice/aah.htm.
94. Get a ride to work/give a ride to work. Better to take public transportation, of course, but Tampa Bay's system is abysmal. So carpool. As of 2006 statistics, 9.5 percent of Tampa Bay's 1.25 million commuters use some form of ride-sharing. That percentage needs to increase.
95. Or don't ride. Walk. If your travel destination is two miles away or less, abandon the car and hoof it. You'll lose weight and cut down on pollution, your gas bill and the climate crisis.
96. Or just ride a frickin' bike! Do we really need to give stats on the health benefits of bike riding or how bad for the environment cars are? Didn't think so.
97. Siphon gas from Hummers. Class warfare at its environmental best! Siphons available at most local hardware stores. Visit misterfixit.com/siphon.htm for a good primer on siphoning.
Till Death Do You Part
98. Don't have kids! All humans produce trash, but Americans are the garbage-creation champions. According to recycling-revolution.com, "The U.S. is the No. 1 trash-producing country in the world at 1,609 pounds per person per year." If the average lifespan for a human born today is around 80 years, that's 128,720 pounds of trash saved if you skip the "I'm a God who brings forth life upon this planet" trip and just use birth control.
99. But do support marriage — including gay marriage. According to a report from Michigan State University, divorced families consume 73 billion more kilowatt-hours of electricity than they did before the household split in two. So it stands to reason that we should encourage people to pair up and stay together — no matter who they're pairing up with.
100. Say a green goodbye. Sticking your lifeless corpse in a glossy hardwood box takes up valuable real estate and guarantees you'll be mummifying for hundred of years. Instead, you can go out in a blaze of glory at an eco-friendly crematorium or choose to go into the grave au naturel, with no embalming fluids and a biodegradable casket made from cardboard, bamboo or jute. Check the Green Burial Council (greenburialcouncil.org) for resources.
